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Question
Posted by: Joan | 2010/11/03

Please help

I''m staying with baby daddy and we have an 18month old boy. Our son uses my surname. We started having problems. Baby daddy phoned my friend and asked her questions about me. He even told my friend that our son should use his surname because he does everything for him. Clothes, creche fees, medical aid, food and nappies.

What also upsets me about this relationship is that baby daddy is suicidal. He will send me sms saying he doesn''t see a point in living the best thing for him is to die. Maybe when he''s gone I''ll be happy. When he starts with these sms’  he doesn''t eat he neglects his health.(he has high blood pressure). He will go to the clinic at work and start sending me sms of how high his blood pressure is. Sometimes when the does this I feel like running away from everything.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Unless he marries you or adopts the child formally and legally, he might WANT the child to use his surname , but cannot insist on it. And whatever name the child uses, he, with you, created the cild and is responsible for maintenance costs for the child, and will continue to have this responsbility until the child is adult. And if he tries to stop paying his dues, a maintenance court can require him to do so.
The "suicide" threats sound highly manipulative.
Pay attention to yourself and your child. He should see a counsellor to sort out his confused and imature reactions to a situation he was very much involved in creating

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/03

Unless he marries you or adopts the child formally and legally, he might WANT the child to use his surname , but cannot insist on it. And whatever name the child uses, he, with you, created the cild and is responsible for maintenance costs for the child, and will continue to have this responsbility until the child is adult. And if he tries to stop paying his dues, a maintenance court can require him to do so.
The "suicide" threats sound highly manipulative.
Pay attention to yourself and your child. He should see a counsellor to sort out his confused and imature reactions to a situation he was very much involved in creating

Reply to cybershrink

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