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Question
Posted by: unknown | 2010/08/19

please help.

When we have sex my husband cum like in minutes, what to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Two minutes is about right - it's the average time a man takes to ejaculate, but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as he stops taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps he could learn to delay his ejaculation...?

The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10. Slowing techniques could be slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing his pelvic floor muscles as if he's trying to stop the flow of urine. Once his arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 4/10), he can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

As his wife you could be a great help by coaching him through this, asking where he is on the scale, encourage him to use the strategies suggested. Let him masturbate / stimulate himself to begin with, but after he has some success, perhaps you could stimulate him and you must slow down as and when he says to do so. When he's gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult for him because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so he should maybe slow his arousal down earlier than 6/10 to begin with. The best position for him to learn this would be with you on top so that he can focus all of his attention on his sensations and you move as he directs.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise he will feel more pressure to perform and you will be frustrated - neither of these will help his learning.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2010/08/19

This is known as premature ejaculation.He must either learn to control it or if this is not possible,try something like Stud 100.This is a spray that you can buy at any adult shop and apply on the penis before sex.
It will help delay his orgasm.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: A man | 2010/08/19

This does not sound like a case of ED, but more a case of premature ejaculation, as it would appear as though the erection is not the problem, but the time to orgasm is too short which is premature ejaculation.

Reply to A man
Posted by: Annamarietjie | 2010/08/19

Read post 16 at the top of this page

Reply to Annamarietjie
Posted by: jj | 2010/08/19

Thats ED, go see doctor

Reply to jj
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/08/19

Two minutes is about right - it's the average time a man takes to ejaculate, but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as he stops taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps he could learn to delay his ejaculation...?

The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10. Slowing techniques could be slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing his pelvic floor muscles as if he's trying to stop the flow of urine. Once his arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 4/10), he can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

As his wife you could be a great help by coaching him through this, asking where he is on the scale, encourage him to use the strategies suggested. Let him masturbate / stimulate himself to begin with, but after he has some success, perhaps you could stimulate him and you must slow down as and when he says to do so. When he's gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult for him because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so he should maybe slow his arousal down earlier than 6/10 to begin with. The best position for him to learn this would be with you on top so that he can focus all of his attention on his sensations and you move as he directs.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise he will feel more pressure to perform and you will be frustrated - neither of these will help his learning.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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