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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2010/06/15

Please help

Hi doc,

I need some advice from you please. My ex and I broke up about 8 months ago, we dated for 5 years and have a 2 year old child together. He is currently engaged to be married. He was suppose to get married about a month ago but soemthing happened.Since then I have recieved calls from him claiming his undying love for me during a drunken binge and the fiance contacting me, this has since being resolved but as of recent he is on my case about everything and is constatley picking fights with me over stuipd and really unnessary things!I have no feelings for him what so ever left and i am trying really hard to be civil to him for our daughters sake as he is being really diffcult!I just want him to leave me the hell alone and get on with his life!I am all for having good communication between us for my daughters sake and although he picks the fights about my daughter i somehow think thats not the actual reason he picks the fights because i am a great mother and the fights he picks are over pointless things!Please can you give me some advice as to what to do in this situation because i have tried being civil and i have tried to ignore him when he wants to fight but it just seems to make him more eager. How do you suggest i deal with this situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This seems rather soon after breaking up from a long-term relationship for someone to be getting married ; possibly there's a rebopund element here, or perhaps this relationship had behun even before the bearkup ?
If you hav broken up with him, I can understand receiing the occasional drunken call from him, but how does he get opportunities to pick fights and arguments with you ?
I agree that his picking fights suggests that he may be far from over with this relationship, but it's a lousy tactic on his part.
You could calmly tell him that these squabbles are unpleasant and potentially upsetting for the child as well as yoursxelf, and that you don't want any more of them. That he can communicate with you by e-mail or SMS as regards his spending time with the child, but that you don't want to spend any further time with him where there are opportunities for these unnecessary and unhelpful arguments,
What do other readers think ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Mary | 2010/06/15

These fights that happen do happened over sms and then he will try phone me on my cell phone and if i dont answer my cell phone he will phone my office phone as he knows i have to answer that. I have told him on many occassions that the only contact i want with him is about our daughter and that is why he he will start the fight about her and then will just carry on and on. For example one of the things he found it very important to fight with me over was about her nappy size!I was putting her in size 5 nappies and he thought she should be in 4+ so this was a huge issue for him even though i explained to him she is in size 5 because with size 4+ she leaks!I dont know how else to handle this situation\him anymore and this is why i have asked for advice.

Reply to Mary
Posted by: CAT | 2010/06/15

I too dont understand how he picks fights with you unless you allow him... stop feeding his behaviour by allowing him to talk to you the way he does.. he should know that the only thhning between you and him is your daughter and you should make that clear or else get a restraining order against him....

Reply to CAT
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/15

This seems rather soon after breaking up from a long-term relationship for someone to be getting married ; possibly there's a rebopund element here, or perhaps this relationship had behun even before the bearkup ?
If you hav broken up with him, I can understand receiing the occasional drunken call from him, but how does he get opportunities to pick fights and arguments with you ?
I agree that his picking fights suggests that he may be far from over with this relationship, but it's a lousy tactic on his part.
You could calmly tell him that these squabbles are unpleasant and potentially upsetting for the child as well as yoursxelf, and that you don't want any more of them. That he can communicate with you by e-mail or SMS as regards his spending time with the child, but that you don't want to spend any further time with him where there are opportunities for these unnecessary and unhelpful arguments,
What do other readers think ?

Reply to cybershrink

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