Our expert says:
What you are experiencing sadly is not that uncommon and from what you have said so far, it sounds reasonable that you are very unhappy about the apparent imbalance. Of course, I am not aware as to why your wife would not want to treat you specially...it may be that she has expressed discontent about many things that she feels you have not fulfilled and as a couple you are now in a stalemate.. Regardless, I recommend that you seek a couples therapist skilled in addressing sexual and relationship difficulties because in my experience this is treacherous and complicated territory to navigate... The long and the short of it is that her libido may have declined as it commonly does in women in a committed relationship leaving her having to 'drive' her sexual response. This is very difficult to do if (1) she doesn't know how to do this, (2) she is not motivated to because she is angry or unhappy in someway, or (3) she doesn't recognise the importance of her attending to this in the relationship (many women relate more to the need for emotional intimacy & affection than to sex per se, and so if you describe your sexual needs as being similar to her need for emotional intimacy and how she would feel if you didn't meet those, she might understand a little more). It can be difficult to understand how someone can be so disinterested in sex when you yourself have libido (hunger) as you do; but this really is a common complaint when libido disappears. If you would like assistance to identify an appropriate professional in your area, why not contact the SASHA helpline (0860100262)? SASHA has a list of professionals in the main cities who could in turn identify an appropriate local therapist. Alternatively, try FAMSA or your GP.
on behalf of SASHA
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