advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009-11-20

Please Help?

I'  ve been with my husband for almost 9 years now and married for almost 5, we have a 4 yr old son together and he has 2 kids and I have 2 kids, his kids live with their mom and spends one w-end a month with her, 1 with their paternal gran and the other 2 with us, I told him I want HIM to spend time with his kids as he is their father, instead he watches rugby, he is self employed and sometimes takes on a job when it'  s their w-end with us, his son has a slight case of ADHD, he'  s not on meds but obviously this child is crying out silently for his father'  s attention, I keep myself out of the way when they are there because I feel they deserve their time with their father but my husband tells me I hate his kids and I don'  t want to bond with them, I told him that'  s not the case, they have parents, their mother is alive and active in their lives so why should I interfere in their up bringing? I'  m married to him and when it comes to his kids I back off because they were there first, he sees us as one big happy family and I'  m tired of repeating myself and I feel guilty, I suffer from insomina because we constantly fight about the same thing over and over, 2 wks ago we had a heavy chat about it and just last night he told me again he needs to finish a job tomorrow, knowing his kids are coming this w-end, he normally fetches them on a Friday night, so I told him then when you done there, u pick up ur kids as I work full time and I deserve my time out too, my kids know when I say I'  m tired they leave me alone to rest, but his son is forever restless and one has to constanly watch him, he is 8 by the way, was I wrong by saying that because I feel really crappy?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ever thought of family therapy / counselling ?
It sounds as though he isn't really pulling his weight as a parent and father, and relying excessively on you to fill his role, as well as your own

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009-11-24

Yes, we' ve been together for 9 years and fighting constantly about the same thing, CS, I' ve suggested family councelling and he said " why should a third party get involved in our lives?"  " why can' t you just bond with my kids? It' s not like I' m rude or nasty towards them when they are there, i just steer clear, I' m at home but I do things that I like to give them the time they deserve with their father as he sees so little of them, I helped raise his 8 yr old, he was still in nappies and on the bottle when we met and my own daughter was almost 3 at the time, I' ve now been put on sleeping pills because I can' t sleep at night as I lay awake at night when it' s their w-end to come over stressing about our next fight and I work full time also in a very stressful environment, I pray constantly to our creator to open my husband' s eyes and for him to stop fanticising about this " one big " HAPPY"  family" , what happend between their mother and him is gone and forgotten, he' s moved on and she' s moved on but they still share a responsibility and he can' t expect from me to stand in for her as if she does' nt exist.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-11-20

I feel for you my dear. You are quite right, you are entitled to your own time and your husband is copping out by always working when his son visits. You HAVE to be more forceful with hubby and tell him that this has to stop. He HAS to take charge of his son and leave you be. You are NOT the childs mother and will never be. There is no obligation for you to bond as he is only an occasional visitor( and an annoying one at that) As you correctly say, you married the father, not his children and you are also quite correct in remaining in the background when the child is there. Do not allow your hubby tyo bully you over this, put your foot down and just say, NO MORE !! Keep strong and keep your sanity

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-11-20

I feel for you my dear. You are quite right, you are entitled to your own time and your husband is copping out by always working when his son visits. You HAVE to be more forceful with hubby and tell him that this has to stop. He HAS to take charge of his son and leave you be. You are NOT the childs mother and will never be. There is no obligation for you to bond as he is only an occasional visitor( and an annoying one at that) As you correctly say, you married the father, not his children and you are also quite correct in remaining in the background when the child is there. Do not allow your hubby tyo bully you over this, put your foot down and just say, NO MORE !! Keep strong and keep your sanity

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Tish | 2009-11-20

the son is 8 ... and you have been with him for 9yrs???

Reply to Tish
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-20

Ever thought of family therapy / counselling ?
It sounds as though he isn't really pulling his weight as a parent and father, and relying excessively on you to fill his role, as well as your own

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement