Posted by: Ally | 2009-06-11

Please help!

My husband and I are on the verge of splitting up - he is now trying to turn my 10 yr old son against me! This morning I told my child to get dressed for school, he says to me " mommy you make life difficult and horrible" . I was shocked and could not understand where it came from - his father overheard this and grinned a really spiteful grin at me! I was very hurt and started to cry as I cannot believe that he would stoop so low so as to turn my son against me. When my son gets hurt, he runs to his father, when he wants something, he asks his father. If I tell him to eat his food, his father will tell him that he does not have to eat if he is not hungry. I am at the stage in my life where I just cannot carry on anymore, if we get divorced, he must rather take my child as I would not be able to deal with my child' s insolence etc. His grandparents are also very adept at brainwashing their grandchildren - how and why they do it, I cannot understand. When my 14 yr old neice was about 9 yrs old, she had the same nasty attitude towards her mother - would not listen to her, was cheeky and disrespectful etc. Now she is a teenager and her attitude towards her mother has changed and she hardly ever goes to see her grandparents anymore! What must I do, must I just leave my son to say what he wants to?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I consider it to be active child abuse whenever a parent does this ( and what cowardice as well as selfishness it is to use kids as surrogates to fight a parent's battles with their spouse ).
Speak calmly but clearly to your husband, making it clear that you would prefer the separation and divorce to be less unpleasant, and do not want to try to turn the child against him, but want him to recognize that this is bad for the child. I wonder if you spent a couple of weks with your family, whether he and the child might find that life together wasn't as much fun as they perhaps imagine ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-12

Talk to your husband and be firm with your son, they both manipulating you divorce is obviously best and half the custody.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009-06-12

Parents should say othing other than boosting comments about each other in front of kids. Sort out differences in private.
And please dont make your kids eat if they dont want to - make sure they dont eat rubbish in between and they will eat.
My kids are NOT allowed to eat more than their fill.

Reply to Ja

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