Our expert says:
It is not uncommon that women experience low libido after hysterectomy, but this is also usually associated with menopause (and this clearly can not be the case for you - unless you have had your ovaries removed). So I'm wondering whether there are other variables at play here than shifting hormones - if your ovaries are intact then your hormones will still be cycling as normal.
There are other issues in your 'story' that could also account for low/absent libido.
1. The apparent discrepancy in maturity between you and your husband may feel like you have 3 children (women with young husbands frequently complain that their husband is like a kid with their other children and they have to 'mother' him too, or play bad cop all the time). If this is true, there may be some resentment building up about you having to be the serious one (the 'handbrake'/the 'chain and ball'). This position doesn't lend itself to being a 'bunny' if you know what I mean. You could try to address this with him - either he needs to be serious sometimes to (be the 'father') and let you be 'fun mum' for a bit, or you need to stop being 'mother' and let your hair down - it can be him and/or you that need to make changes.
2. You have been together for a long time and we know that libido frequently declines in women in long-term relationships. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'. In these situations women have often got to rely on their 'wish' to be sexual, and frequently find that if they become aroused, they experience desire THEN! All you have to do is to figure out how to help yourself to want to be sexual when the 'hunger' is not there.
3. I don't know whether the tearing duing the birth of your sons and subsequent pelvic lifts may have impacted negatively on your genital sensations any. If so, and you struggle to become aroused, then it may be that even driving your sexual response through being aroused may be difficult.
I think that where there is a will there is a way and therefore that there is hope, even if it doesn't take the particular form you are looking for (e.g. to be a 'bunny' again). I would recommend that you get some objective advice from a sexual health practitioner to guide you a little along your particular path. The SASHA helpline (0860 100 262) has a referral list for practitioners in your locality, alternatively ask your GP for an appropriate referral.
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