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Posted by: DEE | 2012-01-25

PLEASE ADVISE ME THX

I am married for 7 yrs its been rocking from the beginning i have 2 kids with this man and he has another from a previous marriage over the years i have seen allot of things that i dont like he is in and out of his childs life supports when he feels like it he always confides in his mum who does not give him the rite advise becus she dislikes me says i am to bossy demanding over him etc he acts like a child never budgets whe he gets paid goes on shopping sprees and then sits without petrol money during the month when ever things break at home or tehre is maintenance work to be done i need to sort it out he never checks around the house that everythign is fine he cames home goes to gym and then after that watches movies I have no respect for him we fight and argue all the time in all this i meant a friend on a social network someone who i used to like and who liked me at the time when i was engaged to this man this friend was suppose to get married but thigns did not work out we started out chatting and now things has become serious we never had anything intimate , we jsut communicate very well over the phone , email etc we meet a few times but jsut to chat he claims his in love with me and wants to wait for me his a very handsome man i there are times i believe him but there are times i question if his for real how can someone like him be single but i can call him at anytime and his able to speak Im confused i dont want to end my marriage if i know there is still hope with my husband but he does not want to change his ways the lazy ways been a mums boy and been irresponsible i am tired of it and i feel i can just leave but i am thinking of my kids youngest is 4 and given my husband history with his other kid im afraid he will do the same to ours then what I also feel so happy when i am chatting to this " friend of mine "  I feel like i want to be with him but i need to know his for real he is willing to accept my kids because he loves me thats what he says i know there are no gurantess in life but i am so sonfused i honestly dont know what more to do also this friend of mine often works away from home that is not a problem and will not be if we get married my only concern is will it work my children are small and we have not spent anytime together so i dont know

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear of this most unfortunate marriage. He sounds very immature, and selfish and irresponsible. But you need to make up your mind what you want. The options would seem to be these : (a) Accept him as the disspointment he is, and carry on as you have been, and drop the new friend, as you don't want to be unfaithful while married ; (b) face up to him and make it very clear - either he joins you sincerely in marriage counselling, and changing his bad ways so as to make this marriage work for all of you, and not merely just to suit him, or otherwise you will consult a lawyer and arrange for a divorce. If he isn't man enough to change for the better and invest in the marriage, and you go the divorce route, then you would be free to explore further the possibilities of the relationship with the new guy ( first making sure he really is as good as he seems ). Don't rush into that, but take time to get to know him properly.
It should not be left up to your husband to decide whether and when to support his kids, go to maintenance copurt and get the court to decide how much he should pay, and it will then require him to do so every month.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Pp | 2012-01-25

After 7 yrs of marriage life as a couple will not be that exciting, it is your responsibility to make it wrk, to tell you the truth once you find sum1 attractive out of your marriage you are bound to find faults at yo husband. I don''t hear you saying, you''ve tried talking to him even counselling but you are ready to be married to this wonderful guy. Few years down the line you realise he is a mama''s boy and doesn''t,t check things around the house what you gona do? Run, if your hubby is nt gud at budgeting help him, you are his wife tru his strong points and weaknesses. You are seeing this " friend"  while married to your husband. Men don''t forgive that easily , you really believe one day the friend will be married to you and trust you 100%, that you will not c sum1 else if you marry him. He has no respect for you, he must be looking at you and thinking you are not a marriage material but a slut. Once he is done with what is in your pants you will c.

You have a child, work on your marriage and stop yo nonsense before your husband finds out. If this guy Marry,s you for whatever reason you will not be able to tell him not to have "  friends"  while maried to you.

Reply to Pp
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-01-25

Sorry to hear of this most unfortunate marriage. He sounds very immature, and selfish and irresponsible. But you need to make up your mind what you want. The options would seem to be these : (a) Accept him as the disspointment he is, and carry on as you have been, and drop the new friend, as you don't want to be unfaithful while married ; (b) face up to him and make it very clear - either he joins you sincerely in marriage counselling, and changing his bad ways so as to make this marriage work for all of you, and not merely just to suit him, or otherwise you will consult a lawyer and arrange for a divorce. If he isn't man enough to change for the better and invest in the marriage, and you go the divorce route, then you would be free to explore further the possibilities of the relationship with the new guy ( first making sure he really is as good as he seems ). Don't rush into that, but take time to get to know him properly.
It should not be left up to your husband to decide whether and when to support his kids, go to maintenance copurt and get the court to decide how much he should pay, and it will then require him to do so every month.

Reply to cybershrink

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