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Question
Posted by: Nonnie | 2011/05/13

Please advise

Dear CS. I have posted previously and value your advice. I have been drugged and raped by my ex-husband earlier this year. I did not lay charges for various reasons, only got a restraining order against him. I told me boyfriend about it at the time. We fight a lot since this happened. I have been for therapy and felt that it helped at the time. Every time we have a fight, my bf tells me that I cheated on him with my ex-husband. He says that I never considered how he felt about the incident and that I should have been able to assist him with his insecurities. This really hurts as I loathe my ex and would never have consented to any sexual relationship with him. I left him after almost 20 years of marriage. I left without anything from the house and is responsible for the two kids. My bf also feels that I am " stupid"  to let my ex get away with it, but I really don''t want anything from the man. In fact, I wish he would disappear to another planet. I really care a lot for my bf, but I am disappointed every time he thinks so little of me. He says the most hurtful things in anger, but I am always the one going back and trying to patch things up. He kept his ex girlfriend''s stuff at his place and left for a week to her town to presumably give her stuff back to her. He still keeps a photo of the two of them in his lounge, but complains that I keep photo''s of my ex on my laptop (some are family photo''s). How do I convince him that I am honest and faithful to him or I am wasting my time?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like your current bf is blinkered and unsympathetic and rather ignorant of the realities of the world, if he blames you for being raped by an ex. Of course if you chose to again exposre yourself to such risks from that slug, then he would indeed have something reasonable to complain about, but I presume you won't allow that to happen again.
If you plan to stay with this current bf ( for reasons I don't understand ) wouldn't it be wise for you both to see a couples counsellor together, as it sounds as though there are so many issues between you needing to be worked on ?
Maybe get some free photo-editing software so you can remove your ex from any photos you want tom keep as family pictures ( and keep them on your computer rather than phone ).

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/14

Sounds like your current bf is blinkered and unsympathetic and rather ignorant of the realities of the world, if he blames you for being raped by an ex. Of course if you chose to again exposre yourself to such risks from that slug, then he would indeed have something reasonable to complain about, but I presume you won't allow that to happen again.
If you plan to stay with this current bf ( for reasons I don't understand ) wouldn't it be wise for you both to see a couples counsellor together, as it sounds as though there are so many issues between you needing to be worked on ?
Maybe get some free photo-editing software so you can remove your ex from any photos you want tom keep as family pictures ( and keep them on your computer rather than phone ).

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: lizard | 2011/05/13

wasting your time and you know it

Reply to lizard
Posted by: Mommy | 2011/05/13

It boggles my mind why woman in today''s day and age put up with such sh#%t from men, especially when you have been married for 20 years and walked away from that idependently but then go to another man and put up with this.

I am sorry to hear about your rape, but look at your situation from an outsiders point of view. Do you really need to be in a relationship with a man who direspects you after being raped, who speaks angrily to you for no reason, who visits a the town of his ex and spends a week and then keeps a pic of the two of them in his lounge??? I dont think so!!! Now get out and live your life for you...

Reply to Mommy

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