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Question
Posted by: confusedmale | 2009-08-27

plate of food

Hi doc, I live 2 minutes away from my girlfriend of 5 years. In the 5 years she has made me 5 plates of food. Last night I visited her and her brother stays with her temporarily. He walked in at 20h00 and took out a plate of food from the microwave made by my girlfriend.
She works for me and I pay her salary. In addition to the salary(R30 000 monthly and above market) I help her with the following(not part of the work contract):

Send her flowers often
Fill and maintain her car
Paid her tax - she could not pay it last month
Pay her daughters dental account
Pay her airplane tickets etc
Take her away on expensive holidays
Regularly eat out with her
Make sure she is comfortable

Am I being unreasonable about feeling disillusioned that she leaves a plate of food for her brother and even though I visit her every night - she does not think of giving me food, I do not expect her to just cook for me or to do it every evening.Previously I have brought up this issue with her. If she is not prepared to think of me when preparing food for her brother how can she think of me in other spheres of a relationship? I pay for things which form part of a serious and committed relationship. To me the gesture of a plate of food means a lot and she knows it. She made feeble excuses last night about it.

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Our expert says:
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If she is earning ( or at least receiving, whether or not she EARNS it ) R 30 k per month, and you do so much for her --- what on earth is she spending all of that on, if she can;t afford to pay for things like tax, maintaining the car, etc., each month ?
I hear you, that your concern isn't about food as such, but her failure to take any such opportunity to do some little thing for you, while cheerfully accepting all that you give her. The arrangement is obviously superb for her, but why do you feel you have to pay so much for a relationship that otherwise doesn't sound all that great ?
A "serious and committed relatonship" isn't about paying for things. It really sounds as though she is using you, without thinking of your needs at all. You deserve a lot better than that, and shouldn't have to buy friendship

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Our users say:
Posted by: BI | 2009-08-27

Excellent, dump her. you don' t need unappreciation. My number is 083...... LOL
Seriously, you sound like a gem, a really caring person and someone should cherish you for your kind and giving nature, not your money.
I hope you do find that. Where 1 door closes my friend, another opens (and there' s probably more than just a plate of food behind that one). Remember that.

Reply to BI
Posted by: Gracie | 2009-08-27

You sound too good for her - she does not deserve you! You have spoilt her rotten and she does not appreciate you! I agree with C - stop everything at once and she what her reaction is - if she is really into you ' cos she loves you, it will not bother her .. if however she is after your money she is going to throw her toys out of the cot big time and then you will know .... you deserve much better than this!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009-08-27

A 30K salary a month with all those perks.

Where do I sign?

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: C | 2009-08-27

I think you can see from all the above replies that your girlfriend is definitely merely using you. Maybe you should test her, stop all the wining and dining and luxuries and see how she reacts. You should also refuse to pay things like her taxes and medical expenses. Her salary more than enough to cover all those expenses. She is most certainly " taking all she can get and gives nothing back" .

Reply to C
Posted by: b | 2009-08-27

I wish I could get such a caring, loving person in my life! I' d spoil you right back and treat you wonderfully for ever and ever, you sound like such a gentleman.
you deserve better than your current girlfriend.

Reply to b
Posted by: Can Cook | 2009-08-27

You do not need her, she behind you money.
I think you deserve someone like me.

Reply to Can Cook
Posted by: Leez | 2009-08-27

You' re spoiling her. My gosh, 30k a month and you STILL maintain half her lifestyle. Review the situation maybe?

Reply to Leez
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-08-27

Yip sounds like she is just using you and does not appreciate you at all.I mean for heavens sake it is just a plate of food but the meaning that goes into it is what its about.
Also if she is making her brother, surely herself and daughter then why not you too, its just one extra.
She also knows that you would appreciate this as you have brought it up but still makes no effort.
I think she' s just plain spoilt and does not deserve what she is getting or you as a person in her life.
Leave the selfish twit and find someone who would think of you too and appreciate you as you should be.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Kerry | 2009-08-27

Yip sounds like she is just using you and does not appreciate you at all.I mean for heavens sake it is just a plate of food but the meaning that goes into it is what its about.

Reply to Kerry
Posted by: Jane | 2009-08-27

Sounds like she is just using you for your money. She earns 30k and cant afford tax and dental medical aid? I earn a lot less than than, and I manage fine. I also cook dinner for by bf every night.

Reply to Jane

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