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Question
Posted by: Wondering | 2011/08/16

Pictures my boyfriend keeps

My boyfriend keeps this big photo of an ex girlfriend on the side table by his bed. It''s turned upside down but previously it was laying sideways that I couldn''t miss it. He clearly did not want me to see so he put it upside down but um it''s still there and I saw it ages ago. I haven''t said anything and I probably won''t. There is also a booklet of naked photos and poetry from another woman he once knew all bound up with a red ribbon. I haven''t said anything either.

We''ve been together for over three years and I just keep quiet.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its rather hard for him to come up with an entirely innocent explanation for that - clearly he is not over her, and that relationship is still very current in his mind, whatever he may say about it. It;s a bit more than mere sentimentality.
It does sound as though you have done a pretty thorough search of his home and room. Have you really not even chatted to him about previous relationships, and whether he has found them easy or hard to forget ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: tuscan | 2011/08/17

wow you either enjoy playing second fiddle or dont know what a relationship entails. the guy is clearly using you for some kind of substitue until whoever is in the pic agrees to take him back.
as for his naked pics, sorry chick but this guy cant be bothered that you see them,so that just shows you where you stand!

catch a wake up and moooove on!!!!

Reply to tuscan
Posted by: Caro | 2011/08/17

After 3 years I''d think that you have a right to ask what is going on. Are you afraid of the answer you might get? The uncertainty would kill me - I''d rather know.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Wondering | 2011/08/17

I guess so. I don''t know why I always keep quiet. I was not snooping. It was there for me to see. Anyone would have seen it. I just took a chance and glanced at the small booklet with the naked photos and poetry in it.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Caro | 2011/08/17

My ex kept photos of me for 20 years. For 10 years he tried to get me back. He got married to someone else simply because he could not have me. He never stopped trying to get me back. I suggest that you gain some self-respect and talk to him about it - because just getting rid of the physical evidence such as pictures and letters does not remove them from his heart or his thoughts. Ask him where you fit in.
BTW - another boyfriend also kept photos of me but would never ever contact me. He does however keep asking others how I am doing. He is happily married but would never act on his curiosity. It really depends on the person - you need to get to know the person youre involved with. I would never put up with this kind of competition.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Man | 2011/08/16

In 3 years he has not married you? along with this behaviour this relationship is going nowhere.

Reply to Man
Posted by: Anne | 2011/08/16

He is clearly not over these women. If he was, he would either have packed the stuff very far away, or thrown it away. As for keeping quiet, that will not achieve anythihg. You need to say that you dont like it and that you find it disrespectful to you and to your relationship. If he comes up with excuses about it, well, then, you know where you stand in the importance rankings. A man that loves you will not have pictures of other woman where he can easily access them. Are you sure he isnt still in contact with them.

I would not trust this one bit.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/16

Its rather hard for him to come up with an entirely innocent explanation for that - clearly he is not over her, and that relationship is still very current in his mind, whatever he may say about it. It;s a bit more than mere sentimentality.
It does sound as though you have done a pretty thorough search of his home and room. Have you really not even chatted to him about previous relationships, and whether he has found them easy or hard to forget ?

Reply to cybershrink

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