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Question
Posted by: Anon1 | 2010-05-24

Physical Contact

Been married for 5 years and we''''ve had a few ups &  downs (financial, day-to-day household issues) over the years and at this point in time the marriage is very stable and we really are good friends and enjoy spending time with each other.

I however do not enjoy physical contact at all - I get totally claustrophobic if my husband (or anyone) tries to give me a hug, I don''''t enjoy kissing (he is a good kisser by the way) and I cannot handle sex. I cannot give you a spesific reason why I don''''t, I just don''''t- I have never enjoyed it. (and yes, I have experienced an orgasm before so I know what it''''s all about). We were involved for a number of years before we got married so he knew what he was letting himself in for.

My hubbie is a very patient and understanding and please note that this issue does not lead to fights/threats etc. but obviously he would like to have more physical contact.

What could be wrong with me?? I know this is not normal behaviour- I''''m just not attracted to people. I don''''t believe a marriage councellor would be the best person to go and see in a situation like this (tried it but couldn''''t get to the route of the "  problem"  )

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The patience and understanding in your relationship obviously has been a huge cornerstone for your relationship. From your expression it is however clear that you would like this addressed. Marriage counseling in general will not necessarily address the underlying sexual/closeness issues. I would however recommend that you seek the assistance from a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual health. Individual therapy could be worth exploring and then maybe at a later stage you could then look at couple therapy intervention. It is difficult to just make a diagnosis from what you wrote – but it could have a medical and/or psychological root. So exploring it with a medical doctor might be an option. The fact that you have such a strong resistance/aversion to physical touch however seems to be much stronger a psychological matter. It might be that the therapist and you did not connect the way you needed it or you were just not ready for the process. It is however never too late to explore things again.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information - www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2010-05-24

Hi there, I think you have a little problem and I think you should see a psychiatrist first, because they will be able to help you.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Anon1 | 2010-05-24

Sorry, I forgot to add - I don''t get " turned on"  - I never have.

And we have tried most things - movies,toys,role play. We however don''t want to go into things such as swinging, affairs etc.

Reply to Anon1
Posted by: Anon1 | 2010-05-24

XXX - to answer your questions. Have had sex with others before I got married - same reaction.

Parents were the same I suppose - I don''t recall ever seeing them kissing, hugging but very happily married according to my mom. They were always together and also used to laugh a lot. I had a normal happy childhood. I don''t remember any abuse at all.



Reply to Anon1
Posted by: XXX | 2010-05-24

This is rather unusual but to a novice like me,it sounds like you might have some personal unresolved issues in your life ie abuse of some sort or another.
It could also be that your parents were never the touchy/feeling kind and you simply have inherited this.
It could also be that your hubby does not turn you on.Have you ever had sex with anyone else and if so,was it any better ?

Reply to XXX
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-05-24

The patience and understanding in your relationship obviously has been a huge cornerstone for your relationship. From your expression it is however clear that you would like this addressed. Marriage counseling in general will not necessarily address the underlying sexual/closeness issues. I would however recommend that you seek the assistance from a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual health. Individual therapy could be worth exploring and then maybe at a later stage you could then look at couple therapy intervention. It is difficult to just make a diagnosis from what you wrote – but it could have a medical and/or psychological root. So exploring it with a medical doctor might be an option. The fact that you have such a strong resistance/aversion to physical touch however seems to be much stronger a psychological matter. It might be that the therapist and you did not connect the way you needed it or you were just not ready for the process. It is however never too late to explore things again.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information - www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist

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