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Question
Posted by: me again | 2012-08-15

petrol expenses

Hi. Please help me raise this issue with my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 months and he is battling to make ends meet at the moment but wants to do all these things which sometimes requires travelling quite a distance. I agree to it thinking that because he suggested it, we will go in his car and use his petrol. When it comes to the crunch he says do you mind if we go in your car. I am a bit of a walkover, so therefore say ok. My petrol expenses has almost doubled since I have been with him. How do I raise this with him that if he wants to do x, then he is willing to go in his car and pay for the petrol to get there. If I suggest x, then I will do the same. I hate raising issues around money as it always lands in a fight with him as he is very tight with money. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What do you mean by him wanting to do "all these things" that require travelling ? If "these things" are to earn money or seek a better paying job, it might be worth helping with the expense, with the understanding that he will p[ay yopu back as soon as he can. If they are frivolous ( and partying, visiting pals, going clubbing or drinking or watching sport ARE frivolous ) then you should refuse to pay the costs and remind him that if he can't afford them, he can't go.
If he asks, early or late, top go in your car, just say NO - O|I can't afford that extra petrol". Stop being a walkover, or have "Welcome" tattoed on your chest, like door-mat.
He has no right to be "tight about" HIS money, and loose about yours, so don't feel embarrassed about making it clear that you can't aford such luxuries.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kgadi | 2012-08-16

hi you know what my sista we are talking about ur financial budget here just be honest to yourself and to him, i know you might love him but i dont think its a good idea in 4 months to take the kind of decision u made. i am not a saint, am not trying to judge you. aproach him my sista, communication is the key in relationship gud luck.

Reply to kgadi
Posted by: A | 2012-08-16

Tell him straight!

Reply to A
Posted by: Pat | 2012-08-16

" I hate raising issues around money as it always lands in a fight with him as he is very tight with money."  This alone is an issue, it''s obvious this guy is using you, you cannot be avoiding to talk about money issues when you''re in a relationship in this day and age. If he can''t discuss money (savings, expenses, etc), then he is a looser, ditch him.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Lolly | 2012-08-16

I agree with Latoya as well, if you allow this for much longer you will really lose out and now its gona affect your feelings as well with this guy, once you feel that you are being used believe me all those feelings that you ever had for him will vanish even if he is genuine to you, maybe he doesn''t see anything wrong but now you need to inform him that its too much on your pocket especially if it happens every time you need to go out. He must take responsibility as well,

Reply to Lolly
Posted by: michele | 2012-08-16

Mmmmmmmmm - he''s using you babes - if you tell him no you cant afford the extra expense unless he goes halvies etc and you fight about money - if he really loves you he will comply and make changes, but if not it''s a no go and you will lose out any which way - SO DITCH THE LOOSER , and find someone worthy of you

Reply to michele
Posted by: Latoya | 2012-08-15

I have since with the petrol price increase cut out all the unnecessary trips, i always go where i am suppose to go and there''s a meaning for that trip, otherwise you will spend R3000 or more on petrol a month. like you have said let him use his car for his trips and you use your car for you own trip.
Also remember that the car is not only about fuel, there''s wear and tear as well.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-15

Next time he wants to go in your car just say " Sorry, but last month I spent almost twice my budgeted amount for petrol, I can''t afford many extra trips" .

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-08-15

What do you mean by him wanting to do "all these things" that require travelling ? If "these things" are to earn money or seek a better paying job, it might be worth helping with the expense, with the understanding that he will p[ay yopu back as soon as he can. If they are frivolous ( and partying, visiting pals, going clubbing or drinking or watching sport ARE frivolous ) then you should refuse to pay the costs and remind him that if he can't afford them, he can't go.
If he asks, early or late, top go in your car, just say NO - O|I can't afford that extra petrol". Stop being a walkover, or have "Welcome" tattoed on your chest, like door-mat.
He has no right to be "tight about" HIS money, and loose about yours, so don't feel embarrassed about making it clear that you can't aford such luxuries.

Reply to cybershrink

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