Our expert says:
I wonder whether he feels a failure for having failed to fail ?
Its interesting how often a couple include between them such a significantly incompatible variation, but cope with it fine for decades, and then it becomes unbearable. Maybe one's nehaviour becomes more exaggerated, or the other's tolerance drops, or both.
Counselling, such as CBT, could help him, if only he would realize how these bad habits increase his misery as well as yours. As he is already in treatment for depression ( which has been shown in good research to cause people to focus unnaturally on every negative aspect of life and to fail to notice the positives ) and as CBT (Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) has been shown to be highly effective in treating depression, maybe he and whoever is treating him ( probably with meds ) could be persuaded to enrol him with a psychologist for CBT ? Just tell him, firmly but pleasantly, that his persistently negative outlook on everything is depressing you and others, as well as himself, and can be changed, with benefits to him and you.
Without such intervention he's unlikely to change - people don't easily give up the habits of a lifetime !
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