advertisement
Question
Posted by: Just asking | 2011/01/25

Personal

Hey guys don't shout me down but wanna ask a personal question: met a new guy recently and he says he enjoys the sex (I'm top only) but he doesn't have a hard-on and then he jerks off after I am done (you know what I mean). This is kinda new to me, if he's really into it why isn't his body responding? How common is this?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi JA and thanks for posting. Bottom guys respond in many ways - some are more vocal, some are less active.

What you describe is far less important than what's going on in his mind during sex, and if he's telling you he's having a good time leave it at that.

This is fairly common, unlike sex portrayed by the porn industry. Don't make an issue out of it, don't make him feel inhibited or anxious about it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: One more thing... | 2013/03/28

It's all about communication and honesty. Ensure that he knows you want to please him in whatever way he requires. Ask him if there is anything you could improve on or change. You say you are an exclusive top, but maybe you need to look into this too, if it could be something that he is requiring. I used to be an exclusive top and I am with a partner who is adamently an exclusive bottom. However, there is the odd occasion where he is very hrny and will make attempts to top me instead. I eventually learned to relax and allow him to do this and he seems to get a great deal of pleasure cmmng inside of me. When we do it that way though, there is much too much going on for me to be bothered with my penis, and I just enjoy the other sensations which are less familiar to me. Once he is done, I normally jerk off afterwards and spray all over myself, but not because I didn't enjoy the interaction with him, it is just a prelude to a wonderful orgasm. Whichever way, if it is not causing problems and you are both getting satisfaction, then all is well!

Reply to One more thing...
Posted by: VersatileGuy | 2011/01/26

My advice is relax. Experts advice is on the money. I love to top and bottom. I rarely have an erection while I am bottoming. I still take just as much pleasure if not more than when I am topping.

Reply to VersatileGuy
Posted by: gay, lesbian and bisexual expert | 2011/01/26

Hi JA and thanks for posting. Bottom guys respond in many ways - some are more vocal, some are less active.

What you describe is far less important than what's going on in his mind during sex, and if he's telling you he's having a good time leave it at that.

This is fairly common, unlike sex portrayed by the porn industry. Don't make an issue out of it, don't make him feel inhibited or anxious about it.

Reply to gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Posted by: philo pastry | 2011/01/25

Just ignore it and do what feels good to you both, as long as you''re both content there''s no problem.

Reply to philo pastry
Posted by: A11 | 2011/01/25

I'm with a guy now. He is a bottom, has a strong erection, but when we make love he doesn't really do anything with his erection (which he does maintain, unlike yours).

I try to go slower and stimulate him and give him time to cum etc, but eventually I just can't hold on any longer and get done (after a significant time, like 30 mins to an hour).

We both masturbate him and I try to make it feel good and so on, but he often just says he doesn't need to cum, and so he doesn't.

There are times he will also jerk himself off afterwards or at another time and then cum. Yet he really seems to enjoy the sex we have - and requires it often.

It sounds similar to your case in some ways. I guess some guys, especially exlusive or semi-exclusive bottoms just have little interest in their penes (plural of penis).

I would have lliked it if my guy came more while I was making love to him, but he just doesn't seem to want/need to or be able to. I suppose as long as both partners are really enjoying themselves (no faking it) then there's nothing to be worried about.

Just speak to him about it and show him love and support. Maybe he's perfectly content with things as they are and you'll just have to get used to it.

Reply to A11

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement