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Posted by: Planner | 2012-09-18

People pleasing non-stop-planner

Hi,

I am a 28 year old male. And I think I am in need of some advice.

I know I am a people pleaser. I hate conflict or when someone isn''t happy. But with that I do think alot of people are like that - or I am just naive.

Now, the thing that is really getting to me is the fact that I cannot stop planning my life ahead. I get to a point where I am so tired of thinking about a weekend. And it is not just my weekend, when I have plans for a weekend it usually involves my partner and other people as well.

Now I know its a good thing to plan ahead but seriously I do think i do it to the point where it is not healthy anymore. While I plan ahead I take into account everyone else involved. Meaning I have to contact everyone to find out if it suits them. Then I rearrange the plans to try suit everyone. I don''t quite know how to explain what I am feeling though.

When I think about a day, I see lines/blocks with timeslots. I need to fill those timeslots. So whenever we have something on, I immediately need to know what time - then I " slot"  in the appropriate line/block. Not everyone can always give me a time and then I get stressed cause I need to be able to tell people what time I am doing when and at what time for if someone else wants to arrange something with me.

Now my partner is not really a planner and he gets kinda cranky cause I need all these details and plan like weekends ahead. Like we have a picnic this weekend, Monday a braai en Wednesday a dinner, next weekend would have been an " off"  weekend with nothing to do. But then the following one is a fun walk, the one after that is a weekend away and Skouspel. Then I have a reunion in november, a show to watch in november.. December is a wedding, baby sitting nephews and one of their birthdays the weekend after the baby sitting. Then I need to book flights to Durban for the holiday where I need to know if my partner can get leave so I can book in advance. Then coming back is my mother''s birthday in January.

And that''s how my life goes. It is constant planning. And those are just some events. Now with those events I try to put more detail to it with times of those specific events.

It is VERY tiring - and obviously frustrating for others cause I cannot help it.

Anyway... I know it''s a LOOOONG description. But I will appreciate whatever advice you can give me... really!!

Thank you so much
Planner

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Haven't you noticed how often pleasing people, well, doesn't really please people ? Some people prefer to be displeased, and others find it creepy when one's too darn accomodating.
Remember, some people actively deserve to be unhapp, and their happiness isn't your responsibility.
Its worth planning ahead so life isn't just one long sequence of astonishment and surprises, but as you'll have noticed, not only does too much planning not work, but many aspects of what you'll be doing can't get planned. Sounds like you're a bit over-busy, almost as though you were scared to just have a quiet weekend with your partner.
As the famous old architext Mies van der Rohe said, sometimes less is more.
Maybe taking a spot too much responsibility for what other people should do or at least shed the load ?
We shall probably blame you for the outcome of the American Presidential elections, whoever wins, you know !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-09-18

Haven't you noticed how often pleasing people, well, doesn't really please people ? Some people prefer to be displeased, and others find it creepy when one's too darn accomodating.
Remember, some people actively deserve to be unhapp, and their happiness isn't your responsibility.
Its worth planning ahead so life isn't just one long sequence of astonishment and surprises, but as you'll have noticed, not only does too much planning not work, but many aspects of what you'll be doing can't get planned. Sounds like you're a bit over-busy, almost as though you were scared to just have a quiet weekend with your partner.
As the famous old architext Mies van der Rohe said, sometimes less is more.
Maybe taking a spot too much responsibility for what other people should do or at least shed the load ?
We shall probably blame you for the outcome of the American Presidential elections, whoever wins, you know !

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