Posted by: Confused | 2009-08-26

People Please Please ADVISE!

Is it compulsory to attend all family and in-laws'  family gatherings like funerals, parties, cleansing, braiis, get togethers and all those nice ceremonies?

I am so stuck in between a rock and a wall. I have exams next week, 4 exams... Monday to Thursday. My Fiance is having a cleansing ceremony that begins on Friday right through to Sunday... because I am engaged to be married to him, he expects me to be there.....

I am so stressed because I don' t think I will make it. I know I should have prepared for my exams weeks ago, which I did but I still need to revise what I studied...besides the whole month of July, all weekends but one I was at his place because there were 2 deaths in his family, which is one of the reasons there is a cleansing ceremony this weekend! It is for his late relative. I was at his place most of August too. I have an 8 to five job and still have classes after work.... the only time I get to really study is on weekends.

I am not going to be cleansed but I am expected to prepare, cook, serve the guests and clean afterwards.... I wouldn' t complain, if I did not have exams.... (obvious help out with other family members)

He does not understand this.. and now we are at logger hands.


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Our expert says:
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Check the constitution --- it is NOT compulsory. But obviously cultures, comunities and individual families difer as to what they expect. The family has to recognize that your exams are very important, and more so that your paticipation ( presumably as a fairly peripheral person not yet formally a family member ) in their cleansing ceremony. The person who died was not your relative, but theirs. And besides, as you point out, the ceremony won't be ablout cleansing YOU, but they want to use you as an unpaid servant to care for the other guests -- that CANOT be considered more important than your exams, and your boyfriend ought to recognize this and onvince them of it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009-08-26

Probably a bit of consideration needs to come from everyone concerned. Everyone wants a piece of you.

If your fiance does not understand that exams are improtant to you, what else does he not care about regarding you?? Just a thought.

Reply to Anon

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