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Posted by: Caron | 2009-02-26

people from my past

Pls help with this one! Why is it that i think about people from my past who have betrayed or hurt me, i think of them daily, i am talking about people from previous jobs or friendships that went sour, things from years ago. Why cant i just forget them? do you think its because there is " unfinished business"  there. A couple whom i cannot stand, who really interefered in my marriage about 4 years ago have sort of come back on the scene (smsing hubby etc), i have told him i DO NOT WANT them back in our lives. But still, it think of them often! am i mad or what????? Any response will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its partly a quesion of how you chosoe to focus your attention. Gosh, if I chose to focus on all the people who have hurt me, or tried to harm me, I'd be too busy to even start breakfast ! This is where CBT can be so useful, to help you quit these negative habits of mind. Its no so much unfinished business that needs to be finished, but wheels spinning in the sand or mud, and one needs to be jumped ahead onyl firm ground again, so as to drive away from them.
That nasty couple, for instance --- OK< so they interfered in your marriage 4 years ago --- then they stopped whatever they were doing -- YOU have enabled them to continue interfering in your life, by continuing to obsess abou them. If they are trying to return, dicuss this with your husband, both of you tell them you want nothing moore to do with them, and move on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Thando | 2009-03-02


Dont wory about the people who hurt you imagine I am hurt by my own sisters everyday my flesh and blood they used to call me barren I have a child now and getting married in December they dont know what to do and continue telling people bad things about me but I dont care and people come back and I tell them thats right what they are saying and I dont confront them what I am trying to tell you is that God beat those who hurt others in a different way I have decided that I need to forget about them they dont talk to me I dont care because we are all in this word for a reason so please you are also human just forget and continue with your life even your parents or sisters can hurt you just tell yourself as long as I am doing the right thing then I need to forget about them when they are doing something at home a party or anything I decide to go because i dont want to be a laughing stock

Reply to Thando
Posted by: Its strange | 2009-02-26

I see where you are coming from. For me its the same phenomenon that one sees happening with physically and mentally abused people. They seem to draw some sort of maschocistic pleasure of purposely (you may deny this but it is done by you on purpose) digging up the past and dwelling on it and yearing to get back to the person who hurt them so much. Unless you can deal with it, by facing down that person and getting it off your chest, there is really nothing you can do to rectify it or change it. It' s over, its in the past.You just have to see yourself in a more positive light, look in the mirror and tell yourself , out loud ,what a great well balanced person you are, and how you really dislike the people that hurt you and tell them in the mirror that you will not empower them any more and its over. Then, make a real effort to get the negative thoughts out your head as soon as they enter your mind. The more you thinkiabout them the more you empower them. Hope this helps.

Reply to Its strange
Posted by: life | 2009-02-26

you are not mad like karin posted, its hard especially if people have used and or hurt you, most important thing is to forgive them - not for them but for yourself - if they have managed to grow and change then you should accept that too, if they are the same people they were before then dont let them back into your life - forgive them but dont allow them to continue to hurt you.

we are all human, problem is humans are evil :( (read the bible!)

Reply to life
Posted by: Karin | 2009-02-26

you are not mad at all (i think) you are just a human being, it' s currently happening with me and some i' d like to bring back in the picture and some i' d rather live without.

lets hope someone will sheer light

Reply to Karin

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