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Question
Posted by: Kate | 2011/06/08

People

Hi CS

Just wanted to know if I''m being childish or if my behaviour is fine.
There are some people in life that you will always be walking into, there’ s really no way of avoiding them.
The thing is there are basically 2 people that I prefer not to socialize with. The one always critising me, weight, hair, skin, clothes anything she sees there is always something that she will find fault with. So I avoid her.
Then theres another sometimes she is nice, other times damn moody, I can understand I have my moods too but I don’ t go around taking it out on other people. Someone asked her about me as they never met me yet and she said ‘ no comment’  as she doesn’ t really know me well and someone else came to tell me as this was over supper.
I mean at that point I would have considered us friends.
Then she comes around and is all friendly and nice.
So I ignore her, I mean I smile and greet and that’ s it.
Am I dealing with this correctly, I don’ t want to straight out tell them to their faces what I think about them, that would just be pointless and create really bad vibes.
Sometimes I just want to tell number one off because she really gets to me but somehow there are other people in her life who seem to be good friends with her. Perhaps she chooses who she crits? I don’ t know but I end up pulling my hair out just a minute with her!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, the first one - avoid if posible. If not, try to get in the first word, "Oh I'm so sorry to meet you, I'm in such an awful mess ! Just LOOK at my awful figure, hair, outfit, etc etc." Now she either has nothing left to say, or if she wants to be disagreeable, needs to contradict you and say you're not looking quite that bad !
The second one, maybe try slipping a "no comment" into the conversation wth her, now and then ; see if she notices !
I suppose I'm suggesting there's sometimes a middle way between unpleasant and unhelpful confrontation, and false cheery encouragement of them. Hints that imply criticism, but if they try to take offense, leave you with room to pretend to be oh so innocent

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1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/08

OK, the first one - avoid if posible. If not, try to get in the first word, "Oh I'm so sorry to meet you, I'm in such an awful mess ! Just LOOK at my awful figure, hair, outfit, etc etc." Now she either has nothing left to say, or if she wants to be disagreeable, needs to contradict you and say you're not looking quite that bad !
The second one, maybe try slipping a "no comment" into the conversation wth her, now and then ; see if she notices !
I suppose I'm suggesting there's sometimes a middle way between unpleasant and unhelpful confrontation, and false cheery encouragement of them. Hints that imply criticism, but if they try to take offense, leave you with room to pretend to be oh so innocent

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