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Question
Posted by: Angela | 2010/08/11

Past mistakes

Dear &  readers of the forum

I am struggling for years to come to terms with my past, all grown and so much mature now I know I made such bad mistakes. When I was 7 years old my dad sexually molested me. It happened twice that day, and only that once but I never got over it to this day. I was a naughty girl in my teens. Always seeking attention from boys, flirting. However I was not a girl who slept around. I suppose my bad experience as a child helped. Grew up in a very decent and strict family, However I still messed up. At the age of 20 dated a married guy, loved him so much, had 2 abortions. Lasted approx 2 years with him and then he left me for another lady. Regretted him, after him struggled to love anyone. Dated lots of guys, hurt lots of guys, left guys for other guys. Then at the age of 28 met another married guy who was wonderful, everything happened so fast. He left his wife &  kid for me (he was not married too long). Married him and left him for another married guy 5 years later. (We had no children together). This guy was married for approx 15 years with 2 children. Fell pregnant and just before my daughter was born his wife found out about this. I did not have any intentions of ruining anything for anyone. Sadly after about 2 years they left each other. (alot surfaced then, I was partly to blame but there was many other issues) Its been almost 8 years ago since all this but my past just kills me. I regretted so much of my life, made so poor choices. I wish I did things right from the start. Now I am married to this man whom I know does not love me, he I think had to settle for me because of his mistakes too. I am turning 42 soon and I still go over and over in my head about how my so bad my life had turned out. My past lurkes in my everyday and has made me a very sad, shameful person. I hate how my life turned out. I am dying slowly.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We can't change the facts of our past ; but we can choose the attitude we hold towards it, and the lessons we choose to learn from it. Simply spending years regretting doesn't help anyone - but building a future that avoids those mistakes, and puts right what can be put right, is worthwhile.
That said, yes you really messed up for a time. And as a result, you're not in as good a position as you might have been had you made better decisions all along. See a counsellor and sort out the mess this has made in your thinking, and plan a more constructive future, avoiding hurt to yourself or others.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just Me | 2010/08/12

Angela ... this is my story ... I married a great man when I was 21. Then I had an affair with a married man at my office - he had 4 kids. My husband caught me and I ended that affair, just to have another affair with another married man with 2 kids. He left his wife for me and I got a divorce to be with him. We were together for 2 years then he decided to re-marry his wife and left me. I was in shock. At this point I started to feel like you do now. Shame and guild and regret. It took many months of self investigation and thought and punishment but I could not find my peace. Then I turned to God, slowly I started to build a wonderful relationship with HIM and I realised that GOD loves me just the way I am and that HE forgave me and that HE wants to be part of my life. That is so AMAZING!

God sent me another wonderful man. We dated only 2 weeks and then decided to get married. I am now married to this man for 4 years and we have a beautiful baby boy. At first I did not love him and I also just married him because I thought that was all that I can get. However, I have come to know that he is wonderful man and I know God has sent him to me even though I did not realise it at the time.

My advise to you is to get to know GOD, only when you experience HIS love and his forgiveness will you be able to love yourself and forgive yourself and then you will be able to love your hubby.

It is not too late to fix things in your life.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: FamilyGUY | 2010/08/11

...and so you should, karma is a real b....

Reply to FamilyGUY
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/11

We can't change the facts of our past ; but we can choose the attitude we hold towards it, and the lessons we choose to learn from it. Simply spending years regretting doesn't help anyone - but building a future that avoids those mistakes, and puts right what can be put right, is worthwhile.
That said, yes you really messed up for a time. And as a result, you're not in as good a position as you might have been had you made better decisions all along. See a counsellor and sort out the mess this has made in your thinking, and plan a more constructive future, avoiding hurt to yourself or others.

Reply to cybershrink

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