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Question
Posted by: Piper | 2011/12/15

Passive / Unsupportive WIfe

Hi, Please advice!
When I first proposed marriage to my wife, she accepted but she was not happy when i paid lobola for her.1. The reasons for her unhappiness was that I paid lobola in full and she was not yet ready for marriage because i am not"  streetwise enough" . 2. When we found a house to buy( she chose the house) she did not want to contribute, she hesitated submit her documents so i ended up buying the house on my own. 3. She is not contributing anything financially in the house and for the past 10 months or so she has been refusing to have sex with me. i have talked to her about it a number if times but nothing changes. I feel like giving up on her, am i being impatient?The marriage is two years old..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like she was consistently reluctant to marry you, or perhaps to marry anyone, and one wonders why she did actually go through with the marriage. Her particular comments sound more like excuses in somone who did not want to be married at all.
Can members of your and her family help and talk with her, to at least better understand what is going on ?
If you are to break up with her, it may be best that the house is in your name and if she has contributed nothing towards paying for it, she may have little or no claim on it in the divorce, but you'd need legal advice about that.
YOu sound like a nice guy who has tried hard and it sounds as though she really hasn't tried at all. Do consider divorce, and don't be in such a hurry to marry next time, before you and the woman really know each other much better

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Our users say:
Posted by: Concern | 2011/12/20

My question will be,did you get pre marital counselling ? to first established the intentions of getting married and what to expect because then you''ll both know if you ready or not. What needs to happen if at all it fails is to go your separate ways because in the marriege it takes two people who are willing to make it work not just one.

Reply to Concern
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/17

Sounds like she was consistently reluctant to marry you, or perhaps to marry anyone, and one wonders why she did actually go through with the marriage. Her particular comments sound more like excuses in somone who did not want to be married at all.
Can members of your and her family help and talk with her, to at least better understand what is going on ?
If you are to break up with her, it may be best that the house is in your name and if she has contributed nothing towards paying for it, she may have little or no claim on it in the divorce, but you'd need legal advice about that.
YOu sound like a nice guy who has tried hard and it sounds as though she really hasn't tried at all. Do consider divorce, and don't be in such a hurry to marry next time, before you and the woman really know each other much better

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2011/12/16

People must avoid making their own lifes a living hell, the women did not want to marry you but you forced her and now you are the one complaining. Compatibility is the most important reason for people to get married, you now have to spend your whole life with a person that does not share anything with you. Do yourself a favour and get out.

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: Honey | 2011/12/16

Darling, she was obviously not ready for marriage. If you''ve tried everything including marriage counselling and she still doesnt change, i am sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Looks like you are the only one investing into this relationship. She has to meet you half way... You sound like a good honest and very patient person... Unfortunately she does not see that. All the best

Reply to Honey
Posted by: jhk | 2011/12/15

LEAVE

Reply to jhk

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