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Question
Posted by: GDude | 2010/03/15

Passing of a colleague

Hi gents/ladies,

This is very hard to type and I don''t know how to talk about it with others.

One of the guys I am working with, my team leader and office friend for the past 6 years, had an accident yesterday. He was driving to Nelspruit for work and on his way there, a truck drove into his vehicle head on.

I don''t know how to handle the fact that I won''t ever see him again. I went to the gym today but all I can think about is going to a bar and getting wasted or that I should start smoking to help with this.

How do you handle these emotions ? I want to quit my job as I don''t want to work there any more! I was just emailed the photos of the vehicle he was in and I wanted to puke just looking at the stuff.

I keep getting fscking tears in my eyes the entire day. One of the things that keep playing through me mind, what went through he saw the truck and could not do anything.

He was not even 40 yet and he was one of those people that everyone likes. He always had a smile on his face and always made others laugh and always had a plan to get work done even if he had to work alone through the night and then the next day again.

Sorry for posting all this here but I just feel so useless today.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So sorry to hear about this, GDude. Each death disturbs us in different ways. When it is a sudden and unexpected death of someone relatively young, it is upsetting in a very particular way, and on tends to feel a mixture of emotions - including sadness and anger ( at the iresponsible idiot who caused this death ) - and it is also an unwelcome reminder that death also happens to people like us, not only to other people, over there somewhere.
Smoking won't help, nor, actually, will drinking - and please avoid making long-term decisions ( such as leaving your job ) while you are still so badly affected by this.
Grief is hard work, but useful work, and takes time. And this is still the first day.
In time you will be able to remember your friend above all for the good guy he was, and as a reminder that really good guys do exist, rather than remembering him with pain and bitterness, such as is part of the picture now.
Remmber how he would have wanted to you react, and surely he would want you to protect yourself, not to be hasty, and to take your time to return to a level of normalcy from which you can remember him with pride and recalling all the good he did, and to follow his pattern.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Sunflower | 2010/03/16

The same thing happend to me 2 weeks ago, I walk into my office every morning thinking I''ll see her and she''ll come and bring me my coffee and clean my desk, I miss her tremendously, it''s hard, but you need to pull yourself towards yourself, giving up ur job won''t solve anything, nor will smoking and drinking, take a few days off and go away with ur partner (if u have one), think about what used to make u smile with ur colleague, I''ll say a prayer for u and keep your chin up, God knows best.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: Phil | 2010/03/16

Sorry to hear this. Nothing anyone says will make you feel better. Death is so unfair, and we can''t understand it. Yet we sit and struggle with all the questions. I hope you can work through this, all the best,.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/16

So sorry to hear about this, GDude. Each death disturbs us in different ways. When it is a sudden and unexpected death of someone relatively young, it is upsetting in a very particular way, and on tends to feel a mixture of emotions - including sadness and anger ( at the iresponsible idiot who caused this death ) - and it is also an unwelcome reminder that death also happens to people like us, not only to other people, over there somewhere.
Smoking won't help, nor, actually, will drinking - and please avoid making long-term decisions ( such as leaving your job ) while you are still so badly affected by this.
Grief is hard work, but useful work, and takes time. And this is still the first day.
In time you will be able to remember your friend above all for the good guy he was, and as a reminder that really good guys do exist, rather than remembering him with pain and bitterness, such as is part of the picture now.
Remmber how he would have wanted to you react, and surely he would want you to protect yourself, not to be hasty, and to take your time to return to a level of normalcy from which you can remember him with pride and recalling all the good he did, and to follow his pattern.

Reply to cybershrink

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