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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-22

partners past

I am involved in a very serious relationship and for some reason have become obssesed with knowing intimate details of partners past relationships. She refuses to give me enter into this discussion as she says that she does not want to know the details of my past relationships. I know that the past is the past and I wont judge her on it. It just seems that I am scared of the unknown and would rather know, even though it hurts. Is it wrong of me to expect her to reveal these private details, even though we are so close? How can i overcome this obsseion of needing to know?

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Our expert says:
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If your intended relationship with her as she now is, the woman you met and feel "seriously related" to ? Or are you primarily intending to be an archeologist, diggin into her past, into whatver happened before she even knew you existed ? If you insist you won't judge her on any aspect of her past --- what else do you intend to do with it when excavated ? We can all be scared of the unknown, but it's the unknown future which mauy contain risks, not the unknown past. Are there perhaps aspets of YOUR past which are relevant now in the sense of making you feel so insecure about her past ? Couples counselling might help. Whatever she reveals will not help you, because your sense of insecurity lies in your lack of self-confidence, not in her particular history

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009-06-22

What has happened in the past should stay in the past EXCEPT where it has bearing on something current. So if she has issues with her own past that is currrently affecting your relationship then yes, she should tell you about the past and her feelings about it. If her past is NOT affecting your relationship it should be up to her whether she wants to tell you or not. If you have a problem with this, perhaps some couples counseling could help?

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-22

Why she tell you? She must have something to hide!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-22

question your motive - why do you want to know??

Reply to Anonymous

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