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Question
Posted by: Jane | 2009/10/23

Partners Family

Hi There

I am having a difficult time accepting my partners family. We have been living together for a year now. Any mention of his family drives me insane, as they always need something from him.

They have mistreated him in the past and I resent them for that (this was before I met him)

I have tried making an effort with his family but at any family function they dont even talk to me.

I love my partner deeply, but this is starting to destroy us.

Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm wondering, Jane. You seem to be sure that his family mistreated him in the past, and feel they have no business expecting anything from him now. But shouldn't this really be up to him to decide ? If he has forgiven them, and wishes to help them, you might still find this annoying, but ought you to let it "drive you insane " ?
If they know at all how you feel, it'd hardly be surprising that they're not keen to talk to you at family gatherings.
There's no way to find a solution except in discussion with your partner, possibly with the help of a family / couples counsellor, to see what's the best way to handle this situation

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/23

I'm wondering, Jane. You seem to be sure that his family mistreated him in the past, and feel they have no business expecting anything from him now. But shouldn't this really be up to him to decide ? If he has forgiven them, and wishes to help them, you might still find this annoying, but ought you to let it "drive you insane " ?
If they know at all how you feel, it'd hardly be surprising that they're not keen to talk to you at family gatherings.
There's no way to find a solution except in discussion with your partner, possibly with the help of a family / couples counsellor, to see what's the best way to handle this situation

Reply to cybershrink

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