Our expert says:
For intercourse to be satisfying it needs to be pleasurable for both you and your partner. There are two main issues in your message.
1. The pain that your partner feels during sexual intercourse and the fact that she does not feel that it is a pleasurable activity.
2. Your taking full responsibility for her pleasure and blaming yourself for her discomfort.
1.It may be very difficult for your girlfriend to talk openly about her difficulties with finding pleasure during intercourse for fear of rejection and feelings of shame. Many woman have not reached orgasm and many associate intercourse with negative feelings which stop them experiencing feelings of pleasure. What you can’t do is pump on hoping that some spark will set things off. See if she is able to gain pleasure from masturbating and take hints from how she is able to do this. Concentrate on the pleasurable feelings that surround intercourse, and work your way slowly to penetration such that her expectation of discomfort and lack of pain is not so pronounced. Pain often comes with blame, so its important to be really non-judgemental. If she persists in experiencing discomfort with intercourse she should seek the help of an experienced sex therapist.
2. Your girlfriends pleasure is not your responsibility alone. She must take 50% percent of this. Even as the man, while you do need to be fully committed to the pleasure of your partner you need help as you aren’t a magician. Each of us, man and woman have to take some responsibility for communicating what we like and how we like it. If we have a problem with sexual pleasure, then our responsibility to the other is to share this information and together find a way to get past it.
SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.