Posted by: Alex | 2013/01/21

Partner not satisfy.

Ok, here is my problem-

I have a new girlfriend, and we had sexual intercourse 6 times. Of all those 6 times, I notice her facial expression to be more in pain rather than pleasure. I always take it slow, and respect her, and just done basic positions. On the last intercourse, afterwards I finally ask her, " hey I feel like you''re in pain everytime, is there something you like for me to do?" 

She quickly reply, saying that is not me, blaming herself that she always have a problem of never feeling pleasure during sex. She also said its just pain.

This is a serious, serious problem for me. I will never enjoy our sex life comfortably knowing the fact that she is not receiving pleasure and I''m not satisfying her sexually. I want her to feel pleasure not pain. I need to find a solution. If not, things will just never be the same for me.

I really don''t think it''s a problem of her own. As a man, I believe I should eliminate this problem as soon as possible and give her the greatest sex of her life.

I really don''t know what to do now. To be honest I''m lost. Please help..
Thanks in advance!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Alex.
For intercourse to be satisfying it needs to be pleasurable for both you and your partner. There are two main issues in your message.
1. The pain that your partner feels during sexual intercourse and the fact that she does not feel that it is a pleasurable activity.
2. Your taking full responsibility for her pleasure and blaming yourself for her discomfort.

1.It may be very difficult for your girlfriend to talk openly about her difficulties with finding pleasure during intercourse for fear of rejection and feelings of shame. Many woman have not reached orgasm and many associate intercourse with negative feelings which stop them experiencing feelings of pleasure. What you can’t do is pump on hoping that some spark will set things off. See if she is able to gain pleasure from masturbating and take hints from how she is able to do this. Concentrate on the pleasurable feelings that surround intercourse, and work your way slowly to penetration such that her expectation of discomfort and lack of pain is not so pronounced. Pain often comes with blame, so its important to be really non-judgemental. If she persists in experiencing discomfort with intercourse she should seek the help of an experienced sex therapist.
2. Your girlfriends pleasure is not your responsibility alone. She must take 50% percent of this. Even as the man, while you do need to be fully committed to the pleasure of your partner you need help as you aren’t a magician. Each of us, man and woman have to take some responsibility for communicating what we like and how we like it. If we have a problem with sexual pleasure, then our responsibility to the other is to share this information and together find a way to get past it.
SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Hello Kitty | 2013/01/21

Hi Alex,

Not feeling pleasure: many women don''t feel pleasure " internally" . Believe it or not, but most women only feel pleasure " externally" . I suggest you ask her if she would be comfortable using a toy - one that she can put on her clittie. You can play together with the toy and she can hold it on her clittie when you are having sex.

Pain during sex: this could be due to a gynaecology problem. She must visit a gynae to rule out anything that could be wrong. It might just be something simple like she is not aroused and wet enough.

Please remember that it is not YOU. For example: I only ever get an orgasm when I have the vibrating toy on my clittie... and so do 99% of my friends.

You can get a very elegant and feminine toy that is in a shape of an egg / bullet - definitely not a huge and scary dildo. She will thank you forever.

Good luck :)

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