advertisement
Question
Posted by: jojo | 2011-08-02

parents constantly lying

I just don''t know what to do with my parents anymore. They are always so inconsiderate.

They always lie about stuff &  then just continue with life as if nothing ever happened.

Last year my younger brother stayed with us for a while. Little did we know that he was lying to my parents that he never ever got food in our home,I never cooked &  he was afraid to even make tea for himself. Now I had major surgery &  was at home for a while. My brother expected me to make him breakfast, lunch &  have supper ready in the evenings. I just couldn''t do it. I made lunch for my little one for school everyday, so he couldn''t see why I didn''t do the same for him.

He painted such a bad pic of my hubby &  I. My parents treated us really bad. My dad called us &  told us that he never expected us to be such horrid people. I was home &  couldn''t even bother to give my brother proper food. He told us that when we visit them, we get everything provided by them - free food, accommodation, etc (they live in another city). My parents told everyone in the fam that we were treating their son so badly.

My mum then came to visit, not to see us, but to buy my brother a flat. SHe made my husband fetch ehr from the airport because she didn''t want to inconvenience her son. She would bring him cooked food. Would take the food to his room &  they would eat together. My brother eventually moved out. My mother arranged everything for him &  even stayed a few weeks to arrange his furniture, etc. In this time, I was hospitalized for a multiple pregnancy. She visited for 10 minutes.

I had constant hospitalizations &  neither parent bothered. My parents were around when my babies were born.They visited us at the hospital but they were too busy to stay long because they were inviting people over to my brother''s flat all the time. My mum wouldn''t even stay when she found out one of my babies was critically ill.

She visited again in Jan &  told us that she came to visit my daughter for her b''day. I asked her to come with me to hospital that night to see my baby. She didn''t want. My baby died a few hours later. When my hubby woke her up to tell her this, she came to me &  told me to go back to bed &  crying would only give me a headache. We had to force her to stay for the baby''s funeral. She told us she had to go home because she had so much to do - go buy groceries, go to the market to buy veggies, the helper was coming to clean, etc. We were so upset. She ended up staying for the funeral but after the funeral was in a hurry to go to my brother''s flat because she wanted to clean his fridge. How do you leave your daughter &  son-in-law when they have just come home from a fuenral, to go clean a fridge?

Later we found out that she had visited to conclude the purchase fo my brother''s flat. But the lying just never stops. She lied to everyone that my brother was working. He has not worked since July last year anywhere.

She visited again recently &  told us that she had a very early flight, but didn''t need us to take her to the airport because my brother would do so. When my brother came to fetch her at 4am, he told us that they were actuallky driving down. Another brother recently went on holiday &  she told him not to tell anybody. If people ask, he must lie about it.

He told me about the holiday. So I asked why she didn''t mention it to me. He lives with her &  whenever she phones I ask about him. During his holiday, she would tell me that he is around on the internet or watching tv, etc. I told her I know he went on holiday. She then told me that her family made up this lie about my brother going on holiday. One of my cousin spread this rumour.

They bought a new mercedes last year. For months my father told me that they were still thinking about buying a car. It was parked in their garage for about 6 mths before he drove it. He didn''t want people to know about the car as they were jealous of them.

I can go on about all the lies they constantly tell us. My 3 brothers are so good at lying too. They lie with a straight face.

I just don''t understand them. How can the whole family be such compulsive liars. And they are also so inconsiderate. My father didn''t want to waste his time coming for my son''s funeral. But he will go to any rich person''s funeral, even if he had met them an hour before they died.

I am so confused by their behaviour. Why do they constantly lie, not just to me, but the entire family. When anyone asks them why they lied, they will totally deny that they have lied &  insist that you have forgotten what they actually told you.

They believe that people are jealous of them. Even hubby &  I are jealous of them. They won money last year. My youngest brother''s girlfriend told me about the winnings. I told her that I had not heard about it. So she asked my mum why she never told me the good news. My mum told her that they didn''t want me to find out about it, because hubby &  I borrow money from them every month, we have so many accounts &  they are also paying for our house &  cars. Hubby &  I were beyond furious when we learnt this. They have never helped us out financially &  we hate debts of any kind. We never ever ask them to pay for anything for us. Offcourse my mum turned around &  said that my bros girlfriend is a big liar.

They lie about stuff that hurts people &  just go on as if nothing has happened. But then they get offended when people don''t want to have anything to do with them.

My father called my gran late last year &  swore her &  accused her of telling people everything that goes on in their lives. He hurt her feelings really badly &  called her such horrid things. My gran has been ill for some time &  is in remission from cancer. I was apalled. He then called me &  said that I would never believe that my gran had called him &  swore him. He was shocked that an old lady could be so vile.

Sorry this is so long. I just had to try to explain their bizarre behaviour. My mother has asked for my child to come over for the school holidays &  I said no. She has told people that the child is so afraid of me &  I really wants to come on holiday, but I will not allow her.

WHat do I do? Do I just cut ties altogether?

I should mention that in 2009 my dad had a very very mild stroke. You will not believe that hubby &  I had to take an 8hours drive to them, to take him to hospital. My mum had lots of shopping to do that day &  couldn''t do it &  the eldest of my brothers said he had to go to work. So hubby &  I packed our stuff, took my daughter out of school &  drove to them with our pets to take him to hospital.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Guysm guysm these EXTREMELY long postings are very difficult to read and follow - PLEASE draft them and edit them down to be sure only the essential details and question are included !
Why do you choose to continue to get involved with those family members who seem to be, from your story, irresponsible and malicious liars ? It isn't compulsory to associate with them, or allow them to visit let alone stay with you.
Your brother shouldn't have been staying with you at all, and when he made such ridiculously selfish demands, you should have refused. Do so in future.
Your parents seem unreasonably devoted to your brother, and in ways which will ultimately not be good for him.
Why not cut ties with them, explaining that their cruelty, selfishness and lying make contact with them intolerable ?
There seems to be nothing to gain and much to lose by any contacts with them.
Lead your own happy lives, and leave them to create the nasty world they seem to prefer. From the sound of it, I suspect that many other people in the community have grown to know them well, and will not be eager to see them let alone to believe their tall tales.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: L | 2011-08-02

Some families are just like that. My husbands family gossiped and lied all the time. I tried for years to fit it and understand their make up, but after 10 years and no success, I realised that nothing we do would ever please them or carry their approval. His whole family, his mother sisters, their children etc. are all similar to your folks. I have cut ties, my kids are a bit lonely without the extended families etc, hell yes they are better off. They will cause damage and more damage, and once your little family falls apart, they will stand aside and lie about, turn around and walk away as if nothing happened. Let them go visit once a year or on special occassions only.
Good Luck.

Reply to L
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-02

Guysm guysm these EXTREMELY long postings are very difficult to read and follow - PLEASE draft them and edit them down to be sure only the essential details and question are included !
Why do you choose to continue to get involved with those family members who seem to be, from your story, irresponsible and malicious liars ? It isn't compulsory to associate with them, or allow them to visit let alone stay with you.
Your brother shouldn't have been staying with you at all, and when he made such ridiculously selfish demands, you should have refused. Do so in future.
Your parents seem unreasonably devoted to your brother, and in ways which will ultimately not be good for him.
Why not cut ties with them, explaining that their cruelty, selfishness and lying make contact with them intolerable ?
There seems to be nothing to gain and much to lose by any contacts with them.
Lead your own happy lives, and leave them to create the nasty world they seem to prefer. From the sound of it, I suspect that many other people in the community have grown to know them well, and will not be eager to see them let alone to believe their tall tales.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement