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Question
Posted by: Paul | 2010/11/02

Parents confusing me

Hi there

I''m 41, gay &  in a stable and loving relationship with the man of my dreams.
My parents initially did not accept, but now treat my partner &  I better than my other siblings.
My parents know that I''ve been sexually abused by my grandfather &  uncle (my mom''s brother) &  this said uncle even abused his own step-son from a previous marriage.
My Mom knows this as the step-son also told her about it.
My problem is:
My parents will visit this uncle regularly &  send me sms''s about what a lovely time they are having.
I''ve confronted her about these visits &  the fact that he''s a pedophile, but all she says is, " let bygones be bygones" .
If I found out that ANYONE abused my child I would most probably kill that person with my bare hands, but they act as if nothing happened &  rather do the opposite. This makes me angry &  confused as it seems they do not believe me, love me or care about the suffering I went through as a child at the hands of her father &  brother.
I''d be immensely grateful if you could please try and explain her behavior to me?

Kind regards

Paul

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Odd, isn't it. Probably your parents, though they have heard somethin about what happened, have no real concept of what the sexual abuse actually involved, or they couldn't take so calmly, or with a "bygones" approach, a pedop[hile who abused their son and others in the family.
And I don't understand why they'd feel it necessary to send you SMS about what a marvellopus time they're having while visiting him. That's hugely tactless.
But also, Denial is such a common tactic to help one ignore some of the grisly realities of life. Rather than face the fact that you and others were abused, AND that her brother and father were pedophile abusers ( which she may find just impossible to bear thinking about ) she'd rather view it as something naughty he did way back in the past, and best forgotten.
What she and you and the other victims need to think about it - did he really only do it with you, years back, and then stop completely ? Or is it possible that he is still abusing others ?
If so, you may want to call a local abuse hotline to check on the local legal aspect, and consider reporting the abuser, for investigation to make sure that nobody else has gone through or is going through, or could go through, the experiences you had

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2010/11/03

Thank you for your comments &  support.
The thing is...I am one of the very lucky few who have had the strength to actually accept what had happened to me and carry on with my life.
It''s just...I do not want to be reminded of it all the time by my mom''s behavior above.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Unique | 2010/11/02

you are not the only one - I''ve heard of this behaviour before. It''s like they have an erase button in their heads. Perhaps it''s their way of dealing with it - i.e. they don''t really know how to confront the truth.

Perhaps you should seek counselling for what you went through. It taks a while but eventually you''ll recover.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Jenna | 2010/11/02

I sympathise with you. It is shocking behavoiur on your parents part.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/02

Odd, isn't it. Probably your parents, though they have heard somethin about what happened, have no real concept of what the sexual abuse actually involved, or they couldn't take so calmly, or with a "bygones" approach, a pedop[hile who abused their son and others in the family.
And I don't understand why they'd feel it necessary to send you SMS about what a marvellopus time they're having while visiting him. That's hugely tactless.
But also, Denial is such a common tactic to help one ignore some of the grisly realities of life. Rather than face the fact that you and others were abused, AND that her brother and father were pedophile abusers ( which she may find just impossible to bear thinking about ) she'd rather view it as something naughty he did way back in the past, and best forgotten.
What she and you and the other victims need to think about it - did he really only do it with you, years back, and then stop completely ? Or is it possible that he is still abusing others ?
If so, you may want to call a local abuse hotline to check on the local legal aspect, and consider reporting the abuser, for investigation to make sure that nobody else has gone through or is going through, or could go through, the experiences you had

Reply to cybershrink

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