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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-04-19

Parenting Issues

Seems a lot of people are having an issue with my parenting skills. I am not if they are shocked by the way I raise my child or because she listens. I have been told that she is too intelligent for their liking and that she is not a normal 3 year old. This is my story: My LG is 3 years going on 4. SHe is an only child and her dad is not involved in her life. She is a very independant little girl who is well liked by alot of my friends etc. I thank God that we have a good life and I am able to give her what she wants. My friends have problems with this however. I have taught her that when I am talking to someone that she says " excuse me"  when she wants to say something, this she does without fail. If people greet her she replies. When people compliment her she thanks them. On Sunday I was sitting with a friend and she had a little friend over and they were having a conversation between the two of them. When i said something to her she told me ever so politely. " Mum, say excuse me first" . I then said okay, excuse could you do something and she says first say sorry, because what I did was rude and it wasnt nice. I suppose im getting back my own medicine because I always tell her if you are rude you have to apologise. We have a relationship where if I want something I ask politely saying please and when she does it i say thank you and she does the same. When she spills she will clean up her own mess and even washes her own underwear when she has a bath. I know it sounds that I am a slave driver but even the principal at the day care told me that she is a very well rounded respectful child. Should I worry about what my friends say.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu sem to be descrbin an intelligent child to whom you have given the gift of good manners, and who in the example you quote, showed the sense to expect you to follow your own rules. Your friends may merely be jealous, or so unskilled at parenting that they can't understand what they're seeing

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Our users say:
Posted by: tessa | 2010-04-20

How funny! I don''t have kids and I wish they were still broght up like this - most kids I see these days are utter brats with absolutely no manners..
My friends &  I (all between 30 - 40 years) were brought up like this. And, yes, we complained when we were kids because, well, kids will try to push boundaries. But, you know what, I am so very grateful to my mom &  dad for being strict with me. I turned out well, wasn''t traunatized by having rules &  discipline, and was brought up properly (without hidings, I might add).

I think it''s either a hilarious scream or a crying shame that this kind of parenting is now considered to be slave driving!

Anon: keep it up. You are doing a great job. every day I see rude, brattish children who''s parents clearly can''t say no to them or teach them how to behave around adults and other children. Parents seem to think they must negotiate with their small kids, but you know what, my folks didnt negotiate with me! It was: we say so so do it. And I turned out fine, with a good job and great friends. I shudder to think what''s going to happen to the brats I see now.
At least, Anon, your daughter wil be one of the privildeged few who everyone likes because they are so pleasant to be around. Why? Because you did your best to bring her up well. Good for you!

Reply to tessa
Posted by: Sunny | 2010-04-19

My M/L raised my first child until 4yrs, and second one is our responsibilty. He is so rude and he is only 3yrs. No and I don''t want to are his everyday words, and give me this now. He always pick a fight with his brother.

I really don''t know how to handle this. My 9yr old boy is the sweetest and the cleverest. you can''t even think that they are siblings.

Reply to Sunny
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-04-19

Or we can also be envious of what you have achieved with your child and we turn it around and make it seem ugly. By bringing you down to our level we feel better about our short comings (not being able to teach our own children manners etc)

Parenting is all about trusting our guts.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Me Mom | 2010-04-19

My son is 4.5 yo and not at all that well mannered, but as intelligent and well-spoken. He has an argument for everything! Drives me nuts, but still awed by his eloquence.

Reply to Me Mom
Posted by: Lisy | 2010-04-19

I agree with the doc, my child is 5yrs old and also very well mannered also says excuse me, please and thank you very well, she speaks english and afrikaans with no problem, and she is pretty clever and i feel advanced for her age, the only thing i experienced is that all the other kids in her class at school is not all that clever and they talk like little babys while my child can talk full sentences, i sometimes really struggle to hear and understand what other kids her age is trying to say, now i just feel my child is getting a set back in life for being taught on the other kids level. So keep it up with your child, if you teach her to be dependend, you will struggle to get her to be independend when she gets older

Reply to Lisy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-19

YOu sem to be descrbin an intelligent child to whom you have given the gift of good manners, and who in the example you quote, showed the sense to expect you to follow your own rules. Your friends may merely be jealous, or so unskilled at parenting that they can't understand what they're seeing

Reply to cybershrink

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