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Posted by: Zee | 2012/05/17

parentin (655)

Hi Doc,

See my response below to Purple regarding my previous post:

Also, I don''t think he is in cahoots with he''s parents, I just don''t think they have a clue as to what he is doing....he and his brothers were raised with what they call " the lefty"  slapped and given hidings by mostly their mother.


Hi Purple,

I tried, he is just not interested. I like to browse parenting site every now and again to read up on age appropriate subjects relating to my kids. If I come across something interesting of something we''''ve spoken about I will email him the info but with all emails of any subject he just deletes it, he will read one once in a blue moon. He says he does not like to read but off course have no problem reading articles on things HE is interested in. Everytime I bring up a subject he will reluctantly stand there and listen and hardly comment about it or he will just tell me how silly it is and that he was brought up with HIDINGS only and none of the silly psychological methods I am interested in. If one of our children would act out for some reason and it''''s one of those days where everyone in the house is just not ON PAR, he would tell me that this is the result of my psychological ways and the child needs a good HIDING but he says way more than he does...... only time he tries he''''s utmost best to discipline them in his strange manner is when he''''s around his PARENTS, to impress them, sometimes he makes such a scene about something that I don''''t know where to hide my head, it''''s so embarrasing and I have NO IDEE what they think about it ''''cause since the fall out in Dubai they have never tried to intervene again, which I really are happy about but I wish they could say something if they do think THEIR son is wrong.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you explored this, gently, with the parents ? Maybe, even if they would recommend a different method to yours, they might not agree with the way he is doing it, and might usefully agree that a co-ordinated and coherent approach is better than hi random and chaotic methods - and they might be able to encourage him to try it your way for a year, and see if it makes a useful difference ?

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/17

Well I don''t know if we live in the same place :-) but it''s called Kleuterkoukus and is usually advertised in the Tygerburger, our local newspaper. If your kids go to creche, ask if they know of something like that.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Zeee | 2012/05/17

Hi Maria,

Please give me the details and location of the speaker, it definitely worth a try.

All our friends who has children disciplines in similar ways than I do, of course all of us also believe in the occasional smack on the bum..... and funny enough, all the Dad''s discipline in the way I would like him to discipline, calm, confident and to the point. He just looses his temper of gets irritated all the time and makes a scene if I indicate that I''m am fed up doing this by myself and that he should now participate.

It''s only him that acts this way, but this is how he handles all situation in life, he doesn''t always think things through.

Reply to Zeee
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/17

Oh dear, grammar... DOESN''T want to read. You also get some of the parenting books in audio form. I think the main problem though is that your husband is not confident in his abilities as a parent, and probably emotionally somewhat immature? To change the way he parents he first has to change the way he looks at himself, and that is terrifying to most people.

Do you know any families who parent in a way that you approve of? Could you socialise with them? It might be beneficial for your husband to see other parents, especially dads, use non-violent and effective parenting strategies.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/17

If he don''t want to read, will he go and listen to a speaker with you? In our area there are regular free talks about parenting.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Zeee | 2012/05/17

Hi Doc,

I''m reluctant , due too a silly thing calles PRIDE, but I see no other way at this stage and maybe it is a good idee to involve his parents.

I feel SAD, so wish it could be easier... I just don''t want them to think I HAVE NOT DONE MY BEST, as I''ve tried over the past 4years but HE has made it so difficult for me and still is.

........................... i''m done.

Reply to Zeee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/17

Have you explored this, gently, with the parents ? Maybe, even if they would recommend a different method to yours, they might not agree with the way he is doing it, and might usefully agree that a co-ordinated and coherent approach is better than hi random and chaotic methods - and they might be able to encourage him to try it your way for a year, and see if it makes a useful difference ?

Reply to cybershrink

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