Posted by: kv | 2009-07-07


I am a 25 year old female. I am married (for 6 months now). Every few weeks, I get very paranoid and cant deal with my husband, i suspect him of having affairs (he works late and often travels, sometimes he wont answer his phone) - although some other part of me knows that there is no emotional basis for this.. Then i get very upset, daydream about ending my life etc. I suspect him of being interested in other women and i act out on it, dumping all my suspicions on him. When we argue -usually over stupid things (i get mad at him and mad in general, if he is quiet then i get even madder, and i get madder if i see him upset) I can be quite angry, i' ve torn things, thrown things and tried to hit him. Its usually one massive episode (instigated by paranoia) with me crying, trying to drive away and not be found, hairpulling, wanting to cut myself etc... Typing this i can see there is a problem. But some part of me feels he is cheating and the other can see that something is wrong with me. I grew up with an alcoholic father.... and my grandmother was stabbed to death last year - AM I SO MESSED UP?? DO I NEED HELP???

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Our expert says:
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Why does this paranoia, as you call it, this suspiciousness, come every few weeks, rather than being constant ? Does it correlate in any way with your menstrual cycle ? Sounds like you may have some basic problems of low self-estem and low self-confidence, leading to your feeling somehow not good enough for him to want to stay interested in you. And your experiences of life in your family have clearly been discouraging, perhaps leading to your drawing unhelpful and over-generalized conclusions about how life works. Do see a good local shrink or mcounselor to work on your own issues, and consider, once that has helped you to boost your self-esteem, some joint counselling / marriage counselling, together, to further improve the relationship

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