advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-08-23

Parallel relationship - can it work?

I am very disillusioned with my husband. We have 2 kids and 3rd due soon. My husband can show no sympathy towards me, although he has a great relationship with the kids. Since the birth of our first I have felt that he never really wanted to marry me, and that I am only his ''family-maker'' and the kids home provider. We''ve had endless arguments and fights about his inability to support me emotionally and show empathy or sympathy. He simply is not able to do so (he was in the early days of the relationship). I feel that if he does not have it in his heart there is nothing that can be done to change or cultivate it. I have now resigned myself to having a parallel relationship with him, as we will not get divorced. I try and hide my heartbreak from the kids as it sometimes really gets to me, especially as I have no-one who can just ''take care'' of me when I''m feeling uncomfortable or sore so late in the pregnancy. When I cry he just gets angry and ignores me. I am worried how such a type of relationship could affect our kids. I do not want them to grown up thinking this is the way a man and women relate to one another. It would break my heart if my sons also treat me this way.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If I understand you, then, you are uncertain of the basis of this marriage, and uncertain of your husband's love ? Some people, especially some men, do find difficulty being emotionally expressive and supportive. Yet you say he WAS suportive emotionally at first, but this has waned.
Its not clear whether he has no love in his heart, or whether, whatever is in his heart, he has great difficulty expressing it and communicating it. Some guys handle a woman crying, very badly - they feel they must do something appropriate in response and have no idea what to do, and that makes them feel angry
I am sure your sons will learn fro your love and your ability to express it. Kids who never experience expressed love and other emotions from their parents, never learn how to do it ( maybe this is what happened to your husband ) ; but so long as one parent is fluently loving, kids learn how to do it right.
Have you tried ( unemotionally and practically, as he wouldn't handle an emotional appeal well ) to persuade him to join you in some marriage counselling sessions, so at least he ca understand your view better, with the assistance of the counsellor, and maybe to learn to be more able to understand and express his own emotions.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-08-23

If I understand you, then, you are uncertain of the basis of this marriage, and uncertain of your husband's love ? Some people, especially some men, do find difficulty being emotionally expressive and supportive. Yet you say he WAS suportive emotionally at first, but this has waned.
Its not clear whether he has no love in his heart, or whether, whatever is in his heart, he has great difficulty expressing it and communicating it. Some guys handle a woman crying, very badly - they feel they must do something appropriate in response and have no idea what to do, and that makes them feel angry
I am sure your sons will learn fro your love and your ability to express it. Kids who never experience expressed love and other emotions from their parents, never learn how to do it ( maybe this is what happened to your husband ) ; but so long as one parent is fluently loving, kids learn how to do it right.
Have you tried ( unemotionally and practically, as he wouldn't handle an emotional appeal well ) to persuade him to join you in some marriage counselling sessions, so at least he ca understand your view better, with the assistance of the counsellor, and maybe to learn to be more able to understand and express his own emotions.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement