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Question
Posted by: definately anon | 2012/08/06

panty fetish

I have been trying to understand some mens problems, and the posts here have given me the courage to ask. I came home the other day to find my husband standing in front of the mirror in a pair of my see through g string panties, he had an erection, and was clearly enjoying himself. Lately I have been aware that someone has been in my panty drawer, now to find its my husband wearing my panties has destroyed my opinion of him, he apologised profusely, and said he wouldnt do it again, but admitted to having been doing this for some time now. I love him dearly, and he is such a wonderful husband and father, and I want to stay with him, but now I am wondering if he has been supressing a gay side for the last 15 years, he says he is not gay, and our sex life is great, but what is more gay than wearing womans panties, and masturbating in them, while admiring yourself in the mirror. I just dont want to wake up 10 years from now, and find myself alone, because my husband decided to come out the closet or something like that. Do I deal with it, and accept this fetish,and role play with him, or do I lay down the law, risking him doing this behind my back, or do I threaten divorce, when I really love him, and would like to make this marriage work, but dont know if I can handle this. I would rather catch my husband with porn, straight porn, then this gay fetish, I would rather catch my husband with a woman than a man, this whole thing has my head in a spin, and reading some posts makes me realise that many men have some serious gay issues, like trimming pubes and oral sex fantasies, and now I am wondering about all these things, and dont even know if he is telling the truth, that he just likes to try my panties every now and then, because they feel good, that does not cut it. Men in panties must have gay tendencies, please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Anon, thank you for your question. It must have been quite a shock to discover your husband behaving in this way. You have said that you love him dearly and that he is a wonderful husband and father. It may help to try and understand this behaviour. What is know is that each of us has a unique erotic map. What this means is that there are some things that will be arousing to some people ('turns them on'), which are formed during and through our early years of sexual development. It seems from what you describe that dressing in women's panties is a source of arousal for your husband, part of his unique erotic map. This behaviour does not seem to be about his sexual orientation (in other words whether he is gay or straight). It may be interesting to know that in most studies done, the largest percentage of men who experience erotic arousal from wearing women's underwear are heterosexual ('staight') not gay men. I hope that this information helps you to understand this behaviour a little better. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have further counselling about this issue. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/12/08

if you dont let him wear what he wants to roun the house you will se him slowly close his heart to u and one day he will just walk out of the relationship without any valid reson becose he allredy decided that he dus not care what anyone thinks of him and if u dont accept it he will find some one who's going to and leave u all back of the bus i did the same with my ex of 7 years i packed my clothes hired a mooving truck and i was out of her life in one hour she cried like a new born baby but i didnt care and still dont 2 years later cos i found the right girl

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: i_Wish | 2012/08/16

Not gay...I get turned on wearing panties myself :)

I wish my wife would be more sexually adventurous like you !

Enjoy..as long as both of you consent there is no problem and no dirty !

Reply to i_Wish
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/08/09

Glad it all went well. I just hope that new door you opened wasnt " the closet door" ! Hehehehe!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: desperado | 2012/08/09

I''m glad it worked out and that you can relax about this issue. Jip definately not gay if he wanted to do it with you

Reply to desperado
Posted by: Definately anon | 2012/08/09

I felt you should all know the outcome, as you all helped me in my decision, we had a wonderful night, panties and shaving were included on both of us, he used the dildo on me, thats all, definately no gay fantasy in my man. Thank you all again, we have opened up a new door, and he said it would only be occasionally, as he has now lived his fantasy with me, he was sooo appreciative of my understanding, I feared for nothing, thanks

Reply to Definately anon
Posted by: definately anon | 2012/08/08

Thank you all. I feel much better now, and I have even selected some of my older panties for him, I am going to suprise him tonight when he gets home, I will put the panties on him,and take him to bed for a night to remember, I will try and live out all the fantasies I have heard here with him, and then I will at least know, and be part of. I have panties, razor and dildo on the ready, and I will let him decide how far we go. Thanks again everyone

Reply to definately anon
Posted by: desperado | 2012/08/08

no please you guys are really over reacting here.
There''s NOTHING wrong with your man. Men are always exploring and do have much more curiosity and raging hormones than our women. He was probably horny and alone waiting for you and then put on the panties to " try"  something out. It does not always make sense to us but I think you will be surprised of all the weird things men do and try when aroused. It''s natural.
If you still have sex and are happy I would just ignore the whole ordeal and go on with your lifes

Don''t tell me that you haven''t Ever masturbate when alone or tried something weird that you will not tell anyone..? his bad luck that he was caught. It''s got nothing to do with you, gay or fetish. it''s normal

Reply to desperado
Posted by: Dimitri | 2012/08/08

There is nothing wrong with what your husband is doing,i used to have the same fetish when i was younger,and rest assured he is not gay

Reply to Dimitri
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012/08/08

Krokkies.....Dawid het dan ook haar man na die voorste linies van die oorlog gestuur en sy dood gereel net om haar te kry en toe met haar te trou. Sy moes blerrie mooi gewees het!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Krokkies | 2012/08/08

Daar is niks verkeerd met jou man nie. Toe ek jonk was het dit my ook opgewonde gemaak. Hier is ''n uittreksel uit " Tantraevolution" 

" Society in many forms adds the wonders of guilt, shame, embarrassment, misinformation and fear.

But we''re told it''s dirty, nasty, horrible, you''re going to go blind and all sorts of other wonderful, health- promoting things.

We''re brought up and conditioned with many limiting, untrue, erroneous, downright false beliefs about sexuality.

One of these, and an aspect that severely limits our pleasure, is that our sexuality is not our own.

We are sexual beings only in relation to somebody else.
And the extension of this, our bodies, our genitals our not our own." 

Reply to Krokkies
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/08/08

Dear Anon, thank you for your question. It must have been quite a shock to discover your husband behaving in this way. You have said that you love him dearly and that he is a wonderful husband and father. It may help to try and understand this behaviour. What is know is that each of us has a unique erotic map. What this means is that there are some things that will be arousing to some people ('turns them on'), which are formed during and through our early years of sexual development. It seems from what you describe that dressing in women's panties is a source of arousal for your husband, part of his unique erotic map. This behaviour does not seem to be about his sexual orientation (in other words whether he is gay or straight). It may be interesting to know that in most studies done, the largest percentage of men who experience erotic arousal from wearing women's underwear are heterosexual ('staight') not gay men. I hope that this information helps you to understand this behaviour a little better. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have further counselling about this issue. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Krokkies | 2012/08/07

@ Wonder why. Koning Dawid het opgewonde geword toe hy ''n ander man se vrou sien bad. Is dit siek ? Nee, dit is die mens. Hy het gesondig, maar nie ''n slegter mens van hom gemaak nie. So is daar ander gedeeltes in die Bybel wat ''n mens laat wonder.

Reply to Krokkies
Posted by: wonder why | 2012/08/07

@ Pieter, exactly!, the Bible do not mention it, that is why mankind is making a disgrace of the meaning of sex!

Reply to wonder why
Posted by: Guy | 2012/08/07

gay is 2 men attracted to each other and sexually involved, panties, shaving etc do not constitute gay, only 2 men in sexual relation constitutes gay. If he is attracted to you, he is straight, if he has some " gay"  ideas, but is turned on by a female, he is not gay. love him, help him, enjoy him

Reply to Guy
Posted by: pieter | 2012/08/07

I would have thought it to be gay or wrong if he bought his own panties or were caught in another woman''s. Nothing to worry about his sexual orientation I trust.

@wonder why, who mentioned perverse sex? And where in the bible does it prescribe underwear? Mankind designs and wears the unferwear. The Bible does state that you may not judge another.

Reply to pieter
Posted by: Majozi | 2012/08/07

@ Ina
" ...baie mans word daardeur opgewek, maar min sal dit erken" 

.this is the reason so many gays are coming out of the closet now and the next time dont be suprised when your daughters dont have husbands cause they will all be gays.Its is sick sick sick...

Reply to Majozi
Posted by: Wonder Why | 2012/08/07

@ Leila

Maybe you must attend Church in order to know what sex is all about - The Bible do not mention this perverse sex you call sex for consenting adults - maybe you should pick up a book called the BIBLE and read it - When last did you do that?????????

Reply to Wonder Why
Posted by: Ina | 2012/08/07

Vir diegene wat sê  dis gay, of siek of abnormaal vir ''n man om vroue-onderklere te dra, in watter eeu leef julle? Dis NIE ''n gay ding nie, baie mans word daardeur opgewek, maar min sal dit erken, juis omdat hulle vrees om deur donkies soos julle veroordeel te word!

There''s absolutely nothing wrong with a man wearing womens underwear. Be thankful that''s all he''s doing and not cheating on you. And don''t listen to the ignorant idiots thats says its wrong or gay or whatever. Love him and humor him and be thankful that he is a good husband to you. If it bothers you that he use your underwear, buy him his own or let him do it himself.

Reply to Ina
Posted by: Majozi | 2012/08/07

This is nothing but gay..just wait and see...

Reply to Majozi
Posted by: Sucram | 2012/08/07

As a straight man, I see nothing wrong with it. It''s fantasizing about having sex with the woman who wears those panties - huge turn on in my book! Stop stressing about gay tendencies, I''m definitely nowhere near gay, and I can understand where this guy is coming from - I can picture myself doing it - Why not? And by the way I wouldn''t label it PANTY FETISH, its not, just a means of getting aroused. The mind is the most powerful tool (pun intended) in the sex act... FANTASIZE! I agree with ''Experienced'' although she probably takes it too far.. but get in on the act with him, it''ll turn your sex life around..!

Reply to Sucram
Posted by: leila | 2012/08/07

@ wonder why.... pick up a book sometime would you? sex is not sick. it is for consenting adults.

Reply to leila
Posted by: Wonder Why | 2012/08/07

I just thing there is really SICK men out there! Porn, wearing panties, etc, doesn''t this lead to pedophile behavior?
Sick world we living in - maybe it all comes from the upbringing? maybe parents must start taking control of there children s life''s!! not for them to grow up as SICK adults!

Reply to Wonder Why
Posted by: Tanya | 2012/08/06

@ Digital_Sex ... Much too much information AGAIN. Can you stick with the subject without going sooooo overboard. Its extremely annoying.

@ Experienced ... I''m very liberal, BUT " suck your vibrator" ????

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: experienced | 2012/08/06

I have the exact scenario you describe, I now let my husband come to bed in my panties, I even shave his pubes, and let him suck my vibrator, we have the best sex ever, and I know he wants nothing more in life, I fulfill his every fantasy, so play along, you may enjoy the excitement, and he will be forever yours, not gay, just a strange fantasy, thats all accept it, it will bring you closer than ever

Reply to experienced
Posted by: XXX | 2012/08/06

I am not sure if this is something " gay"  but certainly is rather unusual.
All you can do is talk to him about this and ask him if he has any fetishes he wishes to carry out.
As you love him so much < i think you will need to learn to get over this
All of us masturbate so he might just find the feel of the panty a turn on.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Digital_Sex®  | 2012/08/06

<  Seriously> 

I can’ t believe that you are that old and not aware of such things, education is the key.

The main thing about such things is if your partner is willing to open up their hearts and secrets and willing to share them with you. Once you make sure that such things aren’ t alright and not acceptable within the relationship, you are closing avenues for communication of any other things that are a little embarrassing. The reason that they have not opened up and talk to you about it is that they are aware that it is embarrassing and are VERY shy to open up and talk about it.
Women who actually open this opportunity for men have stronger relationships as their men share anything with them and the men have no reason to cheat because their women satisfy them whole-heartedly and their most intimate secrets.

< Put yourself in their shoes> 
You just share with your man that you have never done oral sex (cunninglingus) and his reaction is …  I don’ t know what kind of woman you are but all the woman I have had have done it and liked it, and I do expect the same from you …  does this not put more pressure on you to perform, instead of him guiding you on how to do it and him doing it to you such that he can also share in the experience.
You have been raised different to what you partner has, so you should substitute the old you for a new person within the relationship and not the old you NOT in a relationship.

Try not to put limitations to a relationship. It will limit the possibilities of growth.

…  Digital_Sex® 

Reply to Digital_Sex&#174&nbsp;
Posted by: Seriously | 2012/08/06

Seriously speaking.

Im only 23 and the things that I read.
Scary.

Reply to Seriously
Posted by: seriously | 2012/08/06

Of course its gay, normal men dont wear their wifes panties, he secretly wants you to accept his fetish, and definately would love you to play along, next fetish a mmf threesome, and next you will see him with a dick in his mouth, or worse. There is no other explanation, you decide what to do with the truth

Reply to seriously
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/08/06

Reverse the situation and see how he likes it :

Let him catch you masturbating while wearing nothing but one of his under rods! Would be interesting to see how he reacts.

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Ziggy | 2012/08/06

No I disagree. A panty fetish is NOT a gay thing. In fact, research has shown that the majority of men who are cross-dressers are heterosexual.

Reply to Ziggy

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