Posted by: Petrified | 2009-04-14

Panicking about HIV

Hi CyberShrink

I am a gay male, 21 years old, and I had two very short relationships this year. None of them worked out and I eventually told both guys that I don' t think it will work for us. Before we met, we spoke via the Internet for quite a long time, but after we met we only saw one another for a week. That was for both guys.

I apologised and said that I realize we maybe moved too fast but that I still wish to be friends with them. I started receiving silent treatment from both, and they don' t reply to my SMS' s or phone calls, just ignore me flat.

I have moved into a panicking state of stress about contracting HIV from them, and I am scared that they might be hiding something from me. However, we did not have sexual intercourse at all, only some kissing and oral sex. I also only received oral sex. I therefore know the chances of me contracting something like HIV from them is very small, but nevertheless my mind is leading me to believe that I got it and I am down in the dumps, getting all funny sorts of symptoms and convincing myself I got it.

At that time I spoke to both of them about it and they both seemed to be well informed regarding the risks of getting the disease. One told me that he would kill the person who ever gives it to him, and the other said that he is very educated regarding it and never had unprotected sex before.

I swam the past weekend and have a slight cold since yesterday. My body is feeling weak and I am dizzy at times, battling to get up in the mornings. As you can imagine this is scaring me even more and I now only think that it is HIV symptoms.

CyberShrink, I feel trapped. As much as I know I probably did not get HIV from any of the guys, I have really led myself into believing that I did. I would feel so much better if I could just speak to them, but now they are ignoring me. Is it because I am such an *sshole ... giving people hope, them being crazy about me, and then in the end I am too scared for a relationship and they run from me. I always fear that relationships will interfere with my studies, yet I really long to be with someone.

Please just make me feel better and give me your view on all this. I need it so badly.

Thank you doc.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Presumably those guys were not looking for the sort of friendship you very reasonably had in mind. Ignore them both from here on. If they don't contact you, you will have confirmation that they have no further interest. from what you say of the sexual activity, the chances of haing picked up HIV is indeed very small, though faintly possible, so consult a doc ( or the HIV forum ) to plan to have a re-assuring HIV testing at the most appropriate time.
Almostg everyone has several symptoms at any time, but we usually don't particularly pay attention to these, until we have some other reason for being worried about our health, and then anxiety amplifies any symptom, even if trivial or from a trivial cause.
When you get to know someone over the net, you really don't know them at all --- you only know who they have chosen to appear as, when on the web. Speaking to these guys will n ot tell you whether or not they are HIV + or, if so, whether you picked up anything from them --- ONLY proper testing can tell you that. So stop trying to talk to them --- it won't solve any of your problems.
The symptoms you describe sound most likely to be due to anxiety, and are not tpical of HIV, which in its early stages often has no symptoms at all.
Consider some gay-friendly counselling to feel more confident about yourself ( I'd guess that some local gay organization could recommend some suitable counsellors ). And maybe try to form some friendly friendships, rather than sexual ones, so as not to confuse the natural interest in sex with the equally natural need for companionship

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009-04-15

Hi there,

Just as a matter of clarity, you say you have had only two short relationships this year, does this mean that you could have been in other relationships before these two in the previous years, and if so were you sexually active then? Maybe you are denying yourself the truth... re-examine your self first.

Why would these two relationships give you fits of having contracted HIV?????

Im with What?.... Why don' t you gather enough courage and go and have an HIV test, I know it is easier said than done.. but it is the only way you will know, what is really going on?

You need to be careful and have some protect-my-self plan of preventing STIs and other illnesses that can be life threatening...

Lifes' s a b**ch

Reply to Really
Posted by: What? | 2009-04-14

It' s quite simple - go and have an AIDS test, then you will know. But why oh why do you perform any kind of sexual activity without knowing full history of your partner? Insist on an AIDS test and check the results yourself. It' s your life that is at stake. If your partner is not willing to have a test, well then, you know reasons why. Protect yourself dammit!!

Reply to What?

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