Our expert says:
That was a horrible experience ; but if the pain is still woth you and still seriously bothering you, you need to see a counsellor / psychologisty to work through this and get this off your back.
It sounds, from your message, as though you are still, 12 years later ! - asking him about the affair ? Why omn earth do that ? Its like dragging that wretched woman back into bed with him ; its like picking the scab off a wound every time it gets a chance to heal.
Stop trying to forgive and start trying to forget. It happend, So did World War II, but the rest of us have stopped fighting it some time ago.
Not only can he now ( and for some many years ) not remember "everything" but even if he sat down with you for a month and told you everything he could recall, again and again, you would only feel worse, not better.
You don't know whether he actually loved the other woman at all, or whether he loved you any the less for his affair with her.
STOP, please stop, trying to get him to talk to you, and see a psychologis, urgently, to help you work through this and set yourself free from this burden you have chosen to hang around your shoulders. he chose to stay maried to you, and not to leave you and stay with her. That says something.
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