Our expert says:
In your post you talk about two issues. The one being that you are experiencing dyspareunia, which is pain during sexual intercourse, and you state that you have noticed that you take longer to become lubricated enough to be ready for penetrative sex. If you attempt penetrative sex when you are not sufficiently aroused and lubricated it will become painful, especially as you become drier as the discomfort builds. It is not uncommon that as we grow older that the type, focus and intensity of stimulation a women needs to acheive the same degree of arousal and lubrication changes, mostly requiring and increase in focus and intensity of stimulation. The fact that you and your husband live apart at this time, may also impact on you sense of intimacy and connectedness, as a result of the time spent apart physically. These are important, especially for women, with regards to her receptivity to sex and sexual stimulation. Do you and your husband do things together, other than sexual, to first reconnect with each other and build emotional and psychological intimacy before moving on to sexual intimacy/ This may help. If you wish to use a lubricant to assist with the dryness, please use a waterbased lubricant, such as KY-Jelly, there are many other waterbased lubricant brands as well. Your partner can put some of the lube in the palm of his hand and then rub it over the head of his penis and down his shaft, you can also put lube in you pallm spread it out over you palm and then apply it to your vagina, including between your inner lips and around your vaginal opening.
I am not sure that the issue is about "spicing up your sex life", yet keeping things fun and interesting and trying new things can enrich your sexual relationship.
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