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Question
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

Pain and depression

Hey CS

Hope you and kitty are well.

I''m weaned off Wellbutrin now, although I didn''t think it did much when I was taking it, I''m a bit more irritable and having bad dreams again. Seeing p-doc early in Jan, and will discuss Valdoxan with him. I''ve been reading up on it and while it isn''t a miracle drug - and none of them are - if it works for me as advertised then I will definitely benefit.

I want to ask about my mom. I''m sure she has had depressive episodes throughout her life but never formally diagnosed or treated. She is 69. She has had issues with her knees and back for many years and her gp at one point told her she also has fybromialgia. Anti-inflammatories, specifically Celebrex, kept the pain at bay in conjunction with regular exercise. In Oct last year she had a huge back operation, and subsequent to that her 15 year old knee prosthesis broke down and had to be replaced. So she had 2 big operations in less than a year. The knee op was about 4 months ago but there were complications and it is still healing. They have her on Warfarin to prevent blood clots and she cannot take the anti-inflammatories along with the Warfarin, so she is in constant pain.

At the moment she is depressed, and I''m not sure she is telling her doctors quite what is going on. The stress of the ops, and her inability to do the things she likes to do are contributing factors. I know that pain and depression amplifies each other. If they really cannot give her something for the pain, surely treating the depression would help? I doubt she would go for talk therapy, are there any specific ad''s one would try first in this situation? I''m considering calling her gp and telling him what I think, then he can take it from there. He is very good, and she will listen to him if he tells her she needs to take an ad to help her cope.

I know that she needs moral support as well and provide it when I can but I don''t have a lot of spare compassion at the moment either. It''s not that I don''t want to help her, I''m just not in a place where I feel strong enough to deal with her, and I''m sorry about that.

I would really value your opinion on the my best course of action will be to help her.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Maria, One often notices some useful features of a treatment only after one stops it. I look forward to hearing whether Valdoxan helps. Nothing's a miracle, nor should be touted as such, but this one does work in a chemically novel way, and may help where others didnt.
At any age, an operation is far more of a strain than most people expect, especially as one gets older, and especially when there's more than one - I've experienced that myself.
Its not only about Warfarin, my orthopaedic surgeon advised against several anti-inflammatories, as he believed they might slow the rate of bone healing. I haven't had the chance to check if research bears this out.
They should think around other pain-killers than antiinflammatories - even Paracetamol is helpful. ( Remarkably, there's a relatively new special version for giving intravenously that's powerful post-op - I tried it, and it was !)
Unrelieved pain is depressing, too.
OF there is depression, certainly treating it would help. And though I haven't seen studies testing the more recent drugs in this regard, some of the older antidepressants had a degree of analgesic effects themselves.
I think your idea of working through the GP sounds wise. Apart from yourself, does she have any other relatives or friends she likes, who could be usefully supportive ?
ANd yes, one can run short of compassion ( they talk of compassion fatigue ) ; there's a point at which one has distinctly less to offer anyone else. At such a stage, take better care of yourself, and replenish your supplies !
Kitty welcomes the colder weather today. She hated the hot humid weather we had this week. She lies round in odd postures, as though posing for a centerfold picture in PlayCat ( move over, Lindfay Lohan )
Have a peaceful Holoday season, and lets hope 2011 will be better than 2011 was !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-24

Anon, thanks my friend, you must have a great Christmas too!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon | 2011-12-24

Oh Maria It is very tough dealing with an elderly ill depressed parent when you are not feeling 100% yourself. Santa was being a bit harsh on you and judgmental and missed your whole point I guess!

Sorry you are going through this all. It is all so very emotionally and well as physically and psychologically draining accompanying your mom to each and every doctor''s appointment and being there for her all the time, especially when you work full time and have a young family yourself to take care of.

You can''t burn yourself out in this whole process but have to withdraw yourself emotionally a bit to just get " an outsider''s view"  so you can proceed in a logical and most helpful manner. You can do what you can do but you can''t put the whole guilt trip on yourself. You can''t wave a magic wand to make it all go away or better.

We are just human beings with out own issues. Each and every day, even if it just a phone call to your mom, know that you are doing the best you can.

Throw the guilt out the window. It is not your fault your mom is aging and experiencing age related illnesses and pain etc.

Have a great Christmas. Hope to hear from you soon!

(hugs)

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-24

Hi Maria, One often notices some useful features of a treatment only after one stops it. I look forward to hearing whether Valdoxan helps. Nothing's a miracle, nor should be touted as such, but this one does work in a chemically novel way, and may help where others didnt.
At any age, an operation is far more of a strain than most people expect, especially as one gets older, and especially when there's more than one - I've experienced that myself.
Its not only about Warfarin, my orthopaedic surgeon advised against several anti-inflammatories, as he believed they might slow the rate of bone healing. I haven't had the chance to check if research bears this out.
They should think around other pain-killers than antiinflammatories - even Paracetamol is helpful. ( Remarkably, there's a relatively new special version for giving intravenously that's powerful post-op - I tried it, and it was !)
Unrelieved pain is depressing, too.
OF there is depression, certainly treating it would help. And though I haven't seen studies testing the more recent drugs in this regard, some of the older antidepressants had a degree of analgesic effects themselves.
I think your idea of working through the GP sounds wise. Apart from yourself, does she have any other relatives or friends she likes, who could be usefully supportive ?
ANd yes, one can run short of compassion ( they talk of compassion fatigue ) ; there's a point at which one has distinctly less to offer anyone else. At such a stage, take better care of yourself, and replenish your supplies !
Kitty welcomes the colder weather today. She hated the hot humid weather we had this week. She lies round in odd postures, as though posing for a centerfold picture in PlayCat ( move over, Lindfay Lohan )
Have a peaceful Holoday season, and lets hope 2011 will be better than 2011 was !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

Thank you Obvious, I have hoped that it won''t come to that but I guess it has.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-12-23



Can l suggest the you accompany your mother to all her medical consultations. At nearly seventy l think you should do this in future, you will then have all the info needed to help her.She will apreciate your support and it will take your mind off your own problems and re assure her of your concrn.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Santa | 2011-12-23

Thats okay, it took a while but ,acknowledging your guilt is the first step.sometimes an outsider can help us see the obvious.
But if you do what is expected of you as the daughter of an aged person the guilt will disappear.l have no doubt you will put your mother before yourself going forward. after all you dont know how many more xmases you have left 2 share together with her increasing age and health issues.
No need for gratitude, it was a pleasure 2 help.Assisting u 2 do the right thing by your mother has made my day!

l wish u and your mother a merry xmas, l will be sure to leave something special under the tree 4 u both.

Reply to Santa
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

Eureka! I overreact because I''m feeling guilty! Thanks so much for you help and insight!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Santa | 2011-12-23

now you have to think about WHY you over reacted not the fact that you may have over reacted...............

Reply to Santa
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

No you didn''t. I was thinking already when I typed the original post. You got me overreacting yes, got to work on that...

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Santa | 2011-12-23

YOU typed the word guilt, got you thinking havent l...............

Reply to Santa
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

Oh for crying out loud Santa, if you want to put a guilt trip on someone you''ve come to the wrong place.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Santa | 2011-12-23

Well even if she was not there 4 u as a child you know that u should be their for her in old age - so that is irrelevant.

the petrol thing is good but you cannot outsource love duty and compassion - as a daughter u owe her those and only u can do it.

Reply to Santa
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

You know nothing about whether or not she was there for me when I was a child.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-23

Gee thanks Santa, now if only I could have come up with that myself. While I am busy sorting out myself I am also finding other ways of helping her, which has included giving a close friend of hers petrol money to come and visit for a couple of days. Now go off and distribute cheap plastic toys, isn''t that what you are supposed to do?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Santa | 2011-12-23

u cannot choose when friends and family need help. 2 say you are not in a place 2 help is selfish. life unfotunately is not like that. your mum is nearly 70. she cannot wait for u to have all your ducks in a row. she needs u now and it is yr duty to be involved.u need 2 find compassion asap. imagine if you needed her when u were a child and she repeated your second last paragraph 2 u.

please face up 2 yr responsibility and do the right thing.........like a grown up

Reply to Santa

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