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Question
Posted by: Jax | 2012-04-25

Overweight partner

My partner has a BMI of 40 - classified as obese according to the BMI test. He is 55 years old. An advocate and a couch potato. He has issues with his weight and is both an emotional and closet eater. I find wrappers of sweets and cans of coke in all sorts of places within the house and his car.

My BMI is 19 and I am bordering on underweight and am 40 years old. I keep myself fit by playing squash roughly 4x a week.

I''m not the worlds best eater but encourage him to eat healthy. I can eat burgers and fries and all the things he cannot. I don''t eat it in front of him. And, in fact, I don''t like anything sweet.

We have been together for 7 years and we have a non-existant physical life.

Its really starting to get me down. Even when we make steamed food complete with veggies and chicken, he still sneaks for instance mayonnaise onto his food. He buys things like ''health bread'', tells me he ate a chicken sarmie on health bread for lunch (while I know he has added mayonnaise). He lies to me about what he eats. He does not drink any alcohol but has very much of a sweet tooth.

Every time I approach him on the topic he gets very defensive and diverts the argument to me and my shortcomings. So much so that I have avoided the topic.

He has a gym account but never attends - its such a waste of money. I feel that money can be used better - at this point its just money down the drain. I have told him to cancel his contract but he gets defensive about it.

I even thought about just going out to buy him sweets and chips and coke so that he would not eat behind my back.

I''m not sure whether he has always been overweight, but he definately was when he met me 7 years ago.

I just don''t know what to do. Its really getting me down. And I know his weight gets him down. He can''t wear certain clothes except from suits for work (which he looks really good and distinguished in and I complement him on).

I''m in pretty good shape and get alot of compliments on my physique. Its genetic with me - my 70 year old father and mother have the build of a 25year old and have always been physically active.

I feel so resigned. If I clearly cannot help him which clearly seems to be the case, please tell me how do I get around to not letting this affect me??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How does he feel about his weight, eating habits, and physical appearance ? His defensiveness and evasiveness sounds like he does feel bad about all this, but doesn't believe he can truly change the situation. Of course he could be helped by a suitable psychologist / dietician combination. Your support could b e most helpful, but it wont be enough - he needs expert advice and specific methodologies, with your encouragement and support
( SOunds like the old nursery rhyme about "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no Lean" and so on )
That he lies about what he easts suggests he either does feel genuinely guilty about it, or that he simply dreads your likely response to such news.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-27

How does he feel about his weight, eating habits, and physical appearance ? His defensiveness and evasiveness sounds like he does feel bad about all this, but doesn't believe he can truly change the situation. Of course he could be helped by a suitable psychologist / dietician combination. Your support could b e most helpful, but it wont be enough - he needs expert advice and specific methodologies, with your encouragement and support
( SOunds like the old nursery rhyme about "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no Lean" and so on )
That he lies about what he easts suggests he either does feel genuinely guilty about it, or that he simply dreads your likely response to such news.

Reply to cybershrink

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