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Question
Posted by: ANONYMOUS | 2010/08/25

OVERACTING OR JUST WANNA BE LOVED!

I got divorced 3 years ago. (reason i was in marriage but still felt alone). He worked most of the time. so i asked for divorce.
now i am in relationship. i text my fiance and phone him often just to tell him how much i care and love him, but he is constantly to busy to chat or text back. we have both very demanding jobs. am i overacting and expect to much of him when i just wanna be loved and feel that i also missed. i get very emotional and feel like jumping off a bridge! can any man just be with their woman or at least let them feel WANTED!
i am good looking lady of 37 and wanna be loved! relationships are so complicated... i am always the one giving soooo much love and does not get any in return.. i feel like screaming on top of the mountains!!!! PLSE PLSE PLSE

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether the problems you experienced in the first marriage may have been in part related to your own extreme neediness ? For a variety of reasons, some of us grow up exceptionall needy, and feel we require large amounts of re-assurance from others that we are loved. If you are already wasting your own work time sending messages to him, and expect him to waste his own work time to respond to them, just to be frequently reminded that someone cares for you, that suggests you have personal problems that need to be dealt with in psychotherapy / counselling. If this is done well, you would be able to feel more secure and confident and enjoy life a good deal more. If these issues are not dealt with, you may find your current relationship and any others in the future, similarly unfulfilling.
lack of frequent re-assurance should not make you feel so desperate.
It's not at all unreasonable for you to want to achieve a situation in life where you are loved. What is unrealistic is to assume that someone who loves you would need to keep telling you so. Your concern isn't about being loved ( someone may adore you and not keep telling you so ) but about being TOLD you are loved.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ANONYMOUS | 2010/08/25

THANKS DOC

Reply to ANONYMOUS
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/25

I wonder whether the problems you experienced in the first marriage may have been in part related to your own extreme neediness ? For a variety of reasons, some of us grow up exceptionall needy, and feel we require large amounts of re-assurance from others that we are loved. If you are already wasting your own work time sending messages to him, and expect him to waste his own work time to respond to them, just to be frequently reminded that someone cares for you, that suggests you have personal problems that need to be dealt with in psychotherapy / counselling. If this is done well, you would be able to feel more secure and confident and enjoy life a good deal more. If these issues are not dealt with, you may find your current relationship and any others in the future, similarly unfulfilling.
lack of frequent re-assurance should not make you feel so desperate.
It's not at all unreasonable for you to want to achieve a situation in life where you are loved. What is unrealistic is to assume that someone who loves you would need to keep telling you so. Your concern isn't about being loved ( someone may adore you and not keep telling you so ) but about being TOLD you are loved.

Reply to cybershrink

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