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Posted by: Matt | 2011/06/01

over this world

I have just got divorced! My career is -|- ed. My business partner(well I''m free lance within the company and will pay shares off when I start getting enough sales in to do so) wants to kick me to the curb because I havnt brought enough sales in to cover costs. I have a restraint which ends in 2 months. So only then might shit change for the better. I have no money! My car will probably be taken away. My only means oif earning a living. My ex wife has screwed my head up so bad that my work has suffered! I eraned 0 this month, R 980.00 last month. It is going to take about 4 months to start getting sales in from my old clients. I am living at my mates house for free, which ends at the end of this month. He is immigrating to AUS. I will be blacklisted soon I''m sure. Now what the -|- do I do from here!?!? Excuse the language but who gives a -|- ! I''m 35 and have nothing!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear of this awful and dispiriting situation, but pleased to hear that some changes are likely in the near future which may let things improve. Is it possible to talk things over with your bank and any other creditors, who may recognize the sensible position that ruining you now is of no benefit to them, whereas accomodating you and enabling you to make things right as soon as you can, is wise for them, too ?
Excellent responses from other readers, here

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/06/02

Six years ago I lost my job due to illness(bipolar). I lost my car, I lost my house and I even lost custody of my kids. It felt like the end of the world. I was unemployed for 3 years. At first I tried to find another job - unsuccessfully. What I didn''t know was that my previous manager(where I lost my job) was giving all my prospective employers a terrible reference. Not that he said I was a bad employee, but he did tell everyone that he didn''t want to give any comments regarding me. (i.e. it wasn''t a direct bad reference, so it wasn''t illegal - but would you employ someone if their previous manager refuses to give them a reference?)

I was at a very low point in my life, moving around to whomever would give me a place to stay. I would still send my CV out occasionally, but I did not get any interviews. Then three years ago, I asked my brother to call all my previous employers for a reference - just to find out what they were saying about me. All my previous employers except the @-ss gave good references. At that point I removed them from my CV. Three months later I had a job offer.

Today I''ve been working for the same company for almost 3 years and I''m starting to put my life back together. I still don''t have a car/house etc. I''ve got multiple judgements on my credit record since losing my job - which I''m currently paying off. Life still isn''t easy. I have to use public transport to get to work - at least Cape Town public transport is relatively safe even if not always very reliable...

Just remember - once you''ve hit rock bottom, don''t expect to quickly gain back what you''ve lost. My salary of six years ago was almost R8 000 more than my current salary today! You have to be willing to start at the bottom. Through hard work you can regain what you had but it takes time - LOTS of time.

If you do lose your car - you might not be able to do something like sales that requires a car BUT you could try something else. You need to change the way you think. If you continue to think that you can''t work because you don''t or won''t have a car - you will turn a blind eye to possible opportunities where a car ISN''T required.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: baby doll | 2011/06/02

You are not going to let your ex-wife get the better of you. Your only choice is to focus focus focus and oh, focus some more only on your business and livelihood. You''ve been knocked down bad, and it will take time to bounce back up again but panicking will not help you. Write down each ''challenge'' and the formulate several ways for each one on how to handle the challenge. And keep on!
You are a bit strained but you will get there!

Reply to baby doll
Posted by: Woman | 2011/06/02

Matt, I am sorry that you are going through such a horrible time! You need to take your power back, because you are spiraling out of control, and it sucks being where you are now. You say yourself that this cannot continue - please, do yourself the favour and go see a good state psychiatrist (free at your local state hospital) before things get so bad that you do end up where you fear. Do it today, there is no better time than the present!!

You just need a little help. Medication/ therapy will and can help you. It will give you your power back again. Where is your family? Can they not help you? If you are worrying that they won''t, just call, tell them whats going on. Chances are that they will support you more than you think.

I know this sounds like a cliche, but this trying time WILL pass. And you will be a stronger and better man for it. Good luck!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/02

Sorry to hear of this awful and dispiriting situation, but pleased to hear that some changes are likely in the near future which may let things improve. Is it possible to talk things over with your bank and any other creditors, who may recognize the sensible position that ruining you now is of no benefit to them, whereas accomodating you and enabling you to make things right as soon as you can, is wise for them, too ?
Excellent responses from other readers, here

Reply to cybershrink

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