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Question
Posted by: GRANNY | 2011/02/28

OVER ANALYSE

Please explain to me why I try to over analyse and make everything better for everyone else and put myself last.

My grandchild lives with me and I feel that I could possibly be too over-protective. I take her to pre-school in the morning and don''t like to leave her unless the teacher is around.

Today it is scorching HOT and I''ve been thinking of her all day wishing that I could go and fetch her to come sit in my airconditioned office.
She seemed a bit out of sorts this morning and was crying for her mother (who spends every weekend away) and when she
is at home she has no time for the child and shouts at her a lot..I try not to interfere as the child might think I''m nasty to her mother..
I keep wondering what affect this is having on her. Should there be a time when she must get used to her mommy having to be away. Se is only 5yrs 5 months so I suppose she still suffers from separation anxiety. Even when she spends a happy time with her dad she still looks for mommy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people disregard their own importance, and feel it is their duty to make things great for everyone else - and probably become somewhat over-analytical through scanning situations to find out how best to do that.
Yes, you may be over-protective. And there is accumulating evidence that while kids should be protected from real dangers, they probably should not be over-zealously protected from the inconveniences of life. Kids who grow up in too sterile an environment may actually not develop fully competent immune systems, as they were not sufficiently challenged by a range of tedious but not dangerous germs.
And I believe it is similar psychologically. An over-protected kid doesn't develop their own psychological defences and capabilities, and only get the more easily hurt later in life when they can't be so thoroughly protected.
So it's hot. For many generations we in SA just sat in the shade. For a long time, even in the best hotels and offices, there was no aitcon. So long as she avoids sunstroke, being hot is fine - it's part of life. Should she be shocked to discover how hot it gets, at some later time in her life ?
PK, you seem to be descibing a rather careless and uncaring mother who doesn't pay enough attention to her child's feelings - you may calmly try to discuss that with the mom, but can't entirely protect the child from it. Better to be available so the kid can talk with you over such things if and when they trouble her.
Separation anxiety doesn't normally last very long. By 5 years of age, she should have recognized the pattern that mom goes away at the weenends, BUT that she also comes back again. And she has you as a source of comfort and stability, which is a lot more than some kids get.
She may look more obviously for affection from mom because she gets so little, so she works harder to try to attract it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/28

Some people disregard their own importance, and feel it is their duty to make things great for everyone else - and probably become somewhat over-analytical through scanning situations to find out how best to do that.
Yes, you may be over-protective. And there is accumulating evidence that while kids should be protected from real dangers, they probably should not be over-zealously protected from the inconveniences of life. Kids who grow up in too sterile an environment may actually not develop fully competent immune systems, as they were not sufficiently challenged by a range of tedious but not dangerous germs.
And I believe it is similar psychologically. An over-protected kid doesn't develop their own psychological defences and capabilities, and only get the more easily hurt later in life when they can't be so thoroughly protected.
So it's hot. For many generations we in SA just sat in the shade. For a long time, even in the best hotels and offices, there was no aitcon. So long as she avoids sunstroke, being hot is fine - it's part of life. Should she be shocked to discover how hot it gets, at some later time in her life ?
PK, you seem to be descibing a rather careless and uncaring mother who doesn't pay enough attention to her child's feelings - you may calmly try to discuss that with the mom, but can't entirely protect the child from it. Better to be available so the kid can talk with you over such things if and when they trouble her.
Separation anxiety doesn't normally last very long. By 5 years of age, she should have recognized the pattern that mom goes away at the weenends, BUT that she also comes back again. And she has you as a source of comfort and stability, which is a lot more than some kids get.
She may look more obviously for affection from mom because she gets so little, so she works harder to try to attract it.

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