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Question
Posted by: Christine | 2010/11/23

out of control sister

My sister is out of control. she has a new boyfriend who is 13 years her senior, she is 40. she has 2 kids and cannot be bothered about them. she makes them feel like they should be happy if she spends a few minutes with them. they are in the midst of exams, the older one is in matric and she can''t be bothered whether they study or not. she only cares that they bring home A''s so that she can brag to her friends at work. she dumps her kids on my mum and i all the time and says she needs time to herself. she is very selfish and only does things for herself. we are left to deal with the kids. she tells all kinds of lies just to see this man who has older children. she understands when he says he has to be with his kids but will literally stop everything she''s doing with her kids to be with him.i think she is running after him but she just says i am jealous. she has had 2 abortions with another boyfriend and the irony is i can''t fall pregnant. i had to adopt. this is what breaks my heart, she doesn''t know what it means to not be able to have children. i don''t know how to speak to her about what''s she is doing wrong. please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She does indeed sound like a selfish and neglectful parent ; maybe fearing her own age rather than celebrating it, and desperate to have some sort of fling while she can still get away with it.
It would be understandable if you chose to ignore her and limit your contacts with her. Why do you feel it is your futy or right to try to reform her ? Its enormously unlikely that you could succeed, anyway. If you feel unwilling to care for her kids while she is gallivanting around looking foolish, so be it. But why not simply lead your own life, and sadly leave her to mess up her own ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: man | 2010/11/23

Excellent advice from Shrink.You allow her to behave this way by looking after her kids.
Withdraw your support and she will be unable to keep running after him.
Also I am picking up some jealousy on your part because of her kids grades and the fact she finds conception easy.
I think you may be happier if you had nothing to do with her.

Reply to man
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/23

She does indeed sound like a selfish and neglectful parent ; maybe fearing her own age rather than celebrating it, and desperate to have some sort of fling while she can still get away with it.
It would be understandable if you chose to ignore her and limit your contacts with her. Why do you feel it is your futy or right to try to reform her ? Its enormously unlikely that you could succeed, anyway. If you feel unwilling to care for her kids while she is gallivanting around looking foolish, so be it. But why not simply lead your own life, and sadly leave her to mess up her own ?

Reply to cybershrink

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