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Question
Posted by: dw | 2012/07/03

out of comfort zone

I have moved in with my bf and feel totally out of my comfort zone. I had control of everything for 10 years when I stayed on my own and I suppose I got stuck in my ways. Now I need to take him into consideration and the food issue is really taking its toll. I am a very health conscious person and he says that he is looking forward to getting healthy and getting into a routine with me. For lunch and dinner I used to have a salad, but a decent salad with protein that was filling. He says he is happy with that. But he cant eat that everyday like I did. He also feeds his gardener which I dont feel that I should contribute too. I mean the other day we had steak and so his gardener had steak with us (a steak is R70 a piece!!). My contribution to stay with him was to pay for food, but that was for him and I, not to feed his gardener as well. I dont know how to broach this subject with him as I hate talking money and I dont want to come across mean but also I dont want to be taken for a ride.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Taking him into consideration is reasonable ( just as he should take you into consideration ).
If you both enjoy sharing the garden, feeding the gardener is a reasonable expense to share - but a steak dinner isnt required at all. it sounds as though your agreement was that you would pay for food ( for the 2 of you, not 3 ) and that he presumably pays rent and lights ? But you do need to discuss this calmly with him, rather than brooding resentfully. And if you can;t reach a plan that suits both of you and leaves both of you happy rather than resentful, reverse the plan and move back to your own place
He's willing to shift towards your preference for good salads, but its fair for him to want a bit more variation than salad twice a day every day, just as you wouldn't like steak twice a day every day.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Muhammad | 2012/07/19

one thing if you find a thing on the end of your pitchfork it is pbarobly not a marshmallow it is pbarobly your toe . Never wear sandals when you are doing stuff like that it is not a good idea. That was way too scary. also like using a garden hose to figure out where your outline for your bed is then mark with marking paint not blood from your toes. also you dont have to tear up your sod it has great nutrients in it cut grass very short add lots compost and some top soil some fert and plant

Reply to Muhammad
Posted by: Flint | 2012/07/03

A dw

You should go -|- yourself

Reply to Flint
Posted by: Ronelle | 2012/07/03

I have 3 people and myself to feed in my family. One vegetarian and health freak. One with a serious health problem and one that hates anything mixed and raw! This is no problem to me. I simply prepare the food they want and need.
There is no hard and fast rules about meals in a household. If you are responsible for the meals, then prepare what your boyfriend likes and still have your salad. The way to a man’ s heart… 
Initially you may think it is an “ effort” , but you will quickly adjust.
As for the gardener issue, no need to feed anyone expensive food unless they are actually invited for lunch. Make him something nice and economical and serve your boyfriend the same. Save the steak for when the two of you are alone. Saturday’ s is garden and spring-clean day in my house, then everyone ” on site”  gets mac and cheese or spaghetti bolognaise.
This is really not such a huge issue and I think with a bit of effort you can please all concerned.

Reply to Ronelle
Posted by: Honest | 2012/07/03

Sounds like you were not ready to move in together if you are already having issues. Moving in with someone means that you have to take them into consideration, and vice versa. He is prepared to change his eating habits for you but just because he doesn''t want a salad everyday you are complaining? Really? There is a simple solution- make a small salad for yourself and that''s that. Lots of couples have different diets, What a silly reason to complain.

And about the gardener- I see nothing wrong with that. I HATE it when people want to have nice lekker things to eat while the people that are working hard for them are given the bare minimum. What do you want him to eat? Toast and coffee? You are talking about FOOD- your boyfriend isn''t giving him thousands of rands every week! You sound EXTREMELY stingy- you are contributing towards food expenses and thats that. It''s not like you are contributing towards rent, electricity, rates, levies, etc. In most relationships, expenses are equally shared (as in mine). You are moaning about something so petty.

I think you should move out.

Reply to Honest
Posted by: James the Tyrant | 2012/07/03

Just dump the P0E$ allready.

You better off on your own.

Reply to James the Tyrant
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/03

Taking him into consideration is reasonable ( just as he should take you into consideration ).
If you both enjoy sharing the garden, feeding the gardener is a reasonable expense to share - but a steak dinner isnt required at all. it sounds as though your agreement was that you would pay for food ( for the 2 of you, not 3 ) and that he presumably pays rent and lights ? But you do need to discuss this calmly with him, rather than brooding resentfully. And if you can;t reach a plan that suits both of you and leaves both of you happy rather than resentful, reverse the plan and move back to your own place
He's willing to shift towards your preference for good salads, but its fair for him to want a bit more variation than salad twice a day every day, just as you wouldn't like steak twice a day every day.

Reply to cybershrink

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