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Question
Posted by: gloria | 2010/12/08

Online cheating

Hi doc and readers,
3 months into my marriage I realised my husband (who I had known for 7 years) prior to marriage was chatting on skype with his female sluttly colleague at all strage hours, weekends, week nights etc. I put an end to this and we tried counselling - this seemed to get better. However he is now going into chat rooms as his one very corrupt, friend goes into these chat rooms to ''meet'' women and I presume to have virtual sex - as apparently this idiot is unhappy with his relationship. I wanted to see these conversations which my husband refused. I asked him to leave as I feel its totally disrespectful and to me its cheating .... looks like the past is repeating .. am I being unreasonable? My heart is telling me to call it quits. Im tired of this spineless man who does whatever this ''friend'' of his tells him .... am i being too sensitive? or do I have the right to feel this way?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course this was cheating, just in a more convenient form for them both. If even in the first months of marriage, paying attention to his own wife isn't interesting enough for him, he's probably not mature enough to form an adult relationship. Of course you're not being unreasonable. If he refuses to let you see his chats this can't be because they are innocent and charming. And if he is more influenced by his "friend" than his wife, that speaks volumes about his lack of committment to the marriage.
Mariage counselling might have helped, but doesn't sound as though it was long enough or thorough enough - or he just wasn't sufficiently committed to it.
Think about whether there is any sense in remaining committed onl;y on your side, to this kid who is less interested in the real woman he has at his side, than the virtual women he likes to chat to. apparently, he's a virtual man.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2010/12/09

This is totally unacceptable behaviour and if he won''t stop immediately then I suggest you move on.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: QQ | 2010/12/09

Well done Gloria!! For taking a strong stand. Cheating is cheating and so called " Chat Rooms"  are only the start. They progress from there to meeting the people they chat to and I don''t have to tell you what then.
I am talking of experinece!!

Reply to QQ
Posted by: XYZ | 2010/12/09

I know it sounds cliched but cheating is cheating, virtual cheating is just as bad. It would make me resent my husband and would make me feel repulsed if he tried to touch me, knowing he was thinking about someone else. I don''t think you''re being sensitive because he will never stop doing it and what stops him then from doing it with a real woman, if he hasn''t already. It seems he never grew up.

Reply to XYZ
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/09

Of course this was cheating, just in a more convenient form for them both. If even in the first months of marriage, paying attention to his own wife isn't interesting enough for him, he's probably not mature enough to form an adult relationship. Of course you're not being unreasonable. If he refuses to let you see his chats this can't be because they are innocent and charming. And if he is more influenced by his "friend" than his wife, that speaks volumes about his lack of committment to the marriage.
Mariage counselling might have helped, but doesn't sound as though it was long enough or thorough enough - or he just wasn't sufficiently committed to it.
Think about whether there is any sense in remaining committed onl;y on your side, to this kid who is less interested in the real woman he has at his side, than the virtual women he likes to chat to. apparently, he's a virtual man.

Reply to cybershrink

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