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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/09/29

One sided friendships (Sorry for long post)

We work for the same company, but in different povinces, our friendship started in a weird way - my team needed information from his team and we fought like cat and dog, and then we became the best of friends - that was 10 years ago. As friendships and life go we lost contact for a couple of years, I changed sections, met a guy had a baby and he got his marriage back together. Then somehow we met at a meeting again - spoke non stop for about a year and lost contact again until 2009 from 2007 when I moved to the same province as him. We once again met up and spoke everyday for 4 months, then i had to leave and move to another city. When I called to say goodbye his response to me was " What the f@ck do u want me to do if you are leaving?"  I was so hurt because he knew that i had to leave due to my daughters health. At that time i also knew that he was having marital issues (not because of me) and that he was stressed, but i felt it was no way to talk to me. I stopped talking to him until last year when i once again changed sections and we are no reporting to the same boss. I had to call him for something and he was so happy we immediately made arrangements for us to meet. We have spoken almost everyday since last year. Everyone at work knows we are friends, even though we are still in different provinces we were still good friends until about July. Things just really got bad from there. I asked him what was going on because i had and he kept on pushing me away. I left it and then a couple of months later I had to go to his offices for a workshop. He looked stressed. He told me that the boss was putting pressure on him and that he is also getting pressurised at home. As a friend I told him that he should try and balance his life because when he no longer has a job at least his wife and kids will be by his side. I was honest and told him that even I wont be around as I also have my own life, but his family will be with him through thick and thin and that he should value having them around and that he should try and spend time with them more than being at work. He agreed and we were okay. For the first time in 2 months I called and asked him why he wasnt talking to me and he said that he feels he no longer wants to be my friend and that he wants to concentrate on whats important. That really hurt me but i understand that his family is his priority but it made me feel that i wasnt important. I was the one being the shoulder when his wife wanted to leave him and got him to agree to marriage counselling to save his marriage. Now he is up for a senior position in the company and the boss has asked me to be his coach (im an executive coach) by trade, and he refuses to take my calls. THis is an instruction from the CEO and i cannot refuse. When i finally got hold of him he was so rude and i felt that he didnt want me to talk to him at all. I feel I need to tell the CEO we are no longer friends and that it would be easier that I hand this over to my colleague. Im sure the CEO will understand if i explain. My " friend"  and I are to be in workshops from now until the mid next year every month, but i feel at this stage its just better to ignore him and act as if i have never met him. I have my own life and so does he and with time I will forget about him ever being a friend. This is the only way that i can think of sorting this out because we have no choice but to be in these meetings together. I will be polite where necessary but thats as far as it will go. Your advice on how to handle this situation will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Isn't a significant part of your problems due to your choosing to get involved with married men ? ( or recently divorced or sepparated men, not truly free from their previous relationship ? )
And your story also illustrates why I generally advise against workplace affairs - you can get separated when neither of you want it, or pushed back together for work purposes when neither of you might want that, either.
Now you may need to keep any contacts between you strictly professional and work-oriented. Sounds like you have eventually chosen a more effective and wise way of dealing with this

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/30

Isn't a significant part of your problems due to your choosing to get involved with married men ? ( or recently divorced or sepparated men, not truly free from their previous relationship ? )
And your story also illustrates why I generally advise against workplace affairs - you can get separated when neither of you want it, or pushed back together for work purposes when neither of you might want that, either.
Now you may need to keep any contacts between you strictly professional and work-oriented. Sounds like you have eventually chosen a more effective and wise way of dealing with this

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