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Question
Posted by: Jennifer | 2012-06-22

ONE-SIDED FRIENDSHIP AND SICK OF IT!

Why do some people not have the courtesy of responding to texts or emails? I have a friend who lives abroad and we used to send one another texts and emails on a weekly basis. Sometimes just hello how are u and other times having a conversation of sorts. Recently he has been ignoring my emails altogether and occasionally responding to text messages. As far as I am aware, I have not done or said anything that could offend him. I always make time for him when he is feeling down and give advice and support him as far as I can. I just feel that he could''ve had the courtesy to tell me if he does not have time to chat or if he does not want to. I always feel like an idiot when I have sent a text wishing him well for the day/evening/weekend or whatever and he does not bother responding. Maybe I am putting way too much time and energy into this so-called friendship. I have just about given up. He can also be very nasty at times and will be sarcastic and rude for no apparent reason. I think this friendship may have run its course. He is divorced and lives a very lonely life, no girlfriend or close friends, isolates himself from everyone for long periods. I think I should distance myself from him as his behaviour of late is making me very miserable and I actually don''t need this nonsense in my life. Do you think I should just leave him to get on with his miserable life or try to find out what''s got his back up? I don''t feel like drama with someone who lives on the other side of the world.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are probably as many reasons for ignoring such messages as there are for sending them, or for responding to them. In the situation you describe - maybe he's got much busier at work ( but then he should have had the courtesy to tell you ) ; or he was at first lonely and now is making more and new friends, and is busy with that. Maybe he has become depressed and this may be only one of many things he is neglecting.
It does, indeed, sound as though you have invested more, emotionally and otherwise, into a relationship that meant significantly less to him than it did to you.
No need for drama, but why not simply email and say you notice he is responding less and less to your messages, and so,unless he wants to suggest differently, you will conclude that this relatonship hasindeed run its course, and will stop troubling him with further messages. THen, with dignity, wish him well, and leave a silence from your side, for him to respond as and if he wishes.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Tina | 2012-07-07

What I don''t understand is why do some people hang on to relationships that have clearly reached their sell-by date.

As we journey through life, we meet different people. Some will come and go, others will come and stay. Allow those that need to go to go. It''s life. There''s no need to torture yourself with questions that no one will answer. Otherwise you come across as really desperate, which in itself is a big turn off.

Reply to Tina
Posted by: Jennifer | 2012-06-27

I have today taken CS advice - sent him a very polite text message and have chosen to distance myself from him. I believe one must be as good a friend as possible, but I am not going to be treated this way by someone I have not seen for 30+ years. I have removed myself from this so-called friendship with my dignity intact - at this stage that is all that matters to me. As far as I am concerned, he can from now on wallow in his self-pity.

Reply to Jennifer
Posted by: Nikky | 2012-06-27

I think you answered your own question. If you don''t feel like having the drama in your life, then leave it, don''t make any more contact. I have the same problem, but with family. I hear from my brother once a year, he never responds to text messages or emails. So I have let it be, he can call me if he wants. I have been backwards and forwards trying to find out why I get no response, but to no avail. Maybe it is my perfume...........

Reply to Nikky
Posted by: ...... | 2012-06-22

You could bet your bottom dollar that you are getting totally on his nerves and he wishes that you would leave him alone.
If you make contact with anybody once and they dont respond, let it be!

Reply to ......
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-22

There are probably as many reasons for ignoring such messages as there are for sending them, or for responding to them. In the situation you describe - maybe he's got much busier at work ( but then he should have had the courtesy to tell you ) ; or he was at first lonely and now is making more and new friends, and is busy with that. Maybe he has become depressed and this may be only one of many things he is neglecting.
It does, indeed, sound as though you have invested more, emotionally and otherwise, into a relationship that meant significantly less to him than it did to you.
No need for drama, but why not simply email and say you notice he is responding less and less to your messages, and so,unless he wants to suggest differently, you will conclude that this relatonship hasindeed run its course, and will stop troubling him with further messages. THen, with dignity, wish him well, and leave a silence from your side, for him to respond as and if he wishes.

Reply to cybershrink

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