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Question
Posted by: June | 2010/07/05

once biten twice shy

i have been hurt so many times in my past realtionships and am now forever scared it will keep on happening. I have met a wonderful guy whom i think from the way he has been acting is real. the problem is i find myself getting scared that he will leave just like the rest who have left in the past without offering anything as small as even an explanation. I know popular advice is to not compare past relationships with the present and future but how do i really let my past go? I am scared that the fear i am feeling now is what will drive my man away and i want to stop it but the more i think about it the more i fear it. how do i stop this from ruining what is possibly a good thing?

I keep thinking i should share with my man what i am feeling but i am scared i will scare him away and he will not understand. i have trouble openning up to people to such an extend that at times i feel like i am wearing a mask and floating on air instead of actually feeling and experiencing events as they occur. how do i stop this fear of boyfriends leaving me coz i fear it will forever hold me back from discovering the love that was ment for me?

scared

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The reaction you describe is, of course, understandable - but inconvenient and not very helpful. It really sounds as though you have, perhaps for very understandable reasons, developed a range of issues and problems interfering in your capacity for satisfying relationships - and while this can surely be helped, there's probably no quick fix, and therapy with a good psychologist or counsellor would be wide

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/05

The reaction you describe is, of course, understandable - but inconvenient and not very helpful. It really sounds as though you have, perhaps for very understandable reasons, developed a range of issues and problems interfering in your capacity for satisfying relationships - and while this can surely be helped, there's probably no quick fix, and therapy with a good psychologist or counsellor would be wide

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