Posted by: A concerned friend | 2009-08-25

On-line dating

A friend of mine has been divorced for a number of years and has recently started going on dating sites and dating the men she meets there.She is in her 50' s.She has started a sexual relationship with one man, using no protection and he is involved with another woman! I am concerned that she will get hurt emotionally and also re STD' s. She admits that they are both " using"  each other. Recently she admitted becoming emotionally attached to him and becoming jealous.
I have told her that I am concerned, but I did not critisize her. I did however lose some respect for her. Her adult sons are still living with her and they know what she is doing. What does that do to their image of their mom?
Apart from the moral aspect of this behaviour, I think it is risky-both for her emotional and physical health. How should I talk to her, without sounding moralistic and preachy?

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Our expert says:
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She seems to be finding several ways to place herself at risk. Maybe she feels she no longer risks pregnancy, but ignores the risk of STD. And she's forgotten that while people may feel safe with a mutually using relationship, it often ocurs that one at least of the couple starts getting emotionally involved, and thus hurt.
She is an adult with an adults right to be foolish or take risks, and these are risks she will know about. DO you think she is truly unaware of the risks, such as to need your advice ? Or likely to resent such attempts, and perhaps all the more firmly to continue the risks ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Also a dater | 2009-08-25

1. Where do you want her to meet a man? A Bar ? There is nothing wrong with internet dating if you keep your eyes and ears open.
2.) She' s 50, not a spring chicken anymore and she does not have to get her son' s approval for what she does or yours for that matter.
3.) That she' s not using protection is stupid no matter where you meet a man.
4.) She is however stupid to get involved with a man who is just not that into her.

There are really many good men and woman out there in the world of the internet.

She' s just found a bad one. And saying they are just using each other is so very silly because woman cannot be like men.

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