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Question
Posted by: Morgan | 2010/12/20

Older sister is full of hate

My sister is 7 years older than me and I cannot remember a time when I felt as though she really loved or even liked me. She always has had a nasty streak towards everyone but especially towards me and my parents. She says that my mother loves me more yet she was the one who got spoiled rotten with private schools and a university education. I don''t have a problem with those things but I do have a problem with her ill-treating me and the rest of the family. She lives overseas and when she comes home each year, everyone is anxious and nervous because she is extremely rude. She is the kind of person who can go for months, even years, without talking to someone even though there was never an argument. She''ll ignore you at the drop of the hat. You''ll be talking and having fun one minute and, the next thing you know, she''s ignoring you for a year! She''ll come home after years and insult my mom and dad and scream at them in public places. Nobody wants to be around her. Everyone is too polite to talk to her and, anyway, she''s in the habit of just stalking off when they try. So, this year I spoke to her and she told me to " get out of my house"  although it was actually not her house but just a house she was renting for a month. Now, of course, she won''t talk to me. She is, however, in the habit of sending nasty emails to me and the most recent one only said " F*** Off" . How bizarre. I wish my parents would keep away from her because she is unstable but they are too polite and they love her, of course. How can I protect them? I''m out of the country too and, when they visit her when she''s in SA, they take my daughter with and I''m scared she''ll harm her because she has really been behaving in an odd way. She has loads of money and a husband (which she''s always craved to have) and is still so bitter. Any ideas?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people never ever feel as though they have or received "enough", and never take responsibility for their own choices and actions in life, preferring to blame others.
She needs to be told that she is not welcome at home unless she can behave in a friedly and pleasant manner, and that her bad manners are unacceptable. Fortunately, in life, you don't NEED her to be loving or kindly.
And tell her that while she is in the habit of sending nasty e-mails, they will be deleted withou reading.
Who knows what is wrong with this unpleasant woman ? And she probably will take care not to allow anyone else to get close enough to find out. Try to advise your parents and any other family, to reduce their exposure to her until she can become stable and pleasant. She sounds like a spoiled brat, and accepting her unacceptable behaviour will only encourage her to get worse.
Purple summarises the right approach

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Our users say:
Posted by: Morgan | 2010/12/20

Thanks for the comments. It''s a sad situation but I have to cut her out. You''re right

Reply to Morgan
Posted by: Fireball | 2010/12/20

So its hate hate...hate hate hate....i dont care what biatches say hate hate.

What do you do with a hater? Hate them back, love them back or just imagine they no longer exist and fade them from your life.

Reply to Fireball
Posted by: Purple | 2010/12/20

She sounds extremely immature and its probably from being so spoilt through her life and having everyone just give in to her tantrums.

Don''t let your child go with your parents to visit her if you are worried.

Send her an e-mail telling her that you wish to end all contact with her as she is a nasty and bitter person, then block her e-mail address so that all her nasty mail goes to your junk mail and you don''t even have to see it.
If she uses other addresses to continue, just block them too.

You might as well tell your parents that you want nothing more to do with your sister and that you will not be around when she visits. If she arrives at a family function, just quietly take your child and your things and leave, don''t engage in an argument with her.

How awful for you.
There isn''t anything you can do to help her, and you can''t protect your parents either. So long as they are willing to put up with her behaviour, its going to continue, and clearly they are prepared to, even if they get anxious before she arrives, however, just because they put up with it, doesn''t mean that you have to.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/20

Some people never ever feel as though they have or received "enough", and never take responsibility for their own choices and actions in life, preferring to blame others.
She needs to be told that she is not welcome at home unless she can behave in a friedly and pleasant manner, and that her bad manners are unacceptable. Fortunately, in life, you don't NEED her to be loving or kindly.
And tell her that while she is in the habit of sending nasty e-mails, they will be deleted withou reading.
Who knows what is wrong with this unpleasant woman ? And she probably will take care not to allow anyone else to get close enough to find out. Try to advise your parents and any other family, to reduce their exposure to her until she can become stable and pleasant. She sounds like a spoiled brat, and accepting her unacceptable behaviour will only encourage her to get worse.
Purple summarises the right approach

Reply to cybershrink

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