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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/09/23

Office relationship

Hi Doc

I found myself attracted to my boss at work . I''m not sure why ,I''m married with kids I''m not unhappy in my marriage ( although we''ve our ups and downs ) but I just can''t seem to shake off this attraction feeling and it really troubles me . Am I looking for excitement outside my marriage ???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are many reasons for such attractions, none of them good or deserving to be acted on. Office relationships, especially with a boss, ALWAYS turn out badly, and you have the opportunity here to hurt yourself, your husband and children, and his wife and kids, and to ruin your career. That's not excitement, that's disaster.
Is there room to change your work assignments or schedule to as to avoid spending any time alone with him ? Whenever you find yourself day-dreaming about him, give yourself a sharp slap on the wrist and switch thoughts to something else - like your actual work !
And, as Maria says, re-invest in enjoying your own marriage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Malini | 2012/09/26

does your boss feel the same? or is this one sided

Reply to Malini
Posted by: Juice | 2012/09/26

Feelings are feelings, they are there to be managed and controlled. We all have them! The trouble is when we let feelings control us and we loose judgement. However much time you spend thinking and imagining what it might be like, thats how much you are inprisoning yourself. Wisdom is just not entertaining the idea, because its WRONG. Like i said we all have feelings, manage them.

Reply to Juice
Posted by: masego | 2012/09/26

its no love, its a disaster,its selfish,and its going to hurt a lot of innocent people.ignore the feelings and focus on what you have before you lose it.

Reply to masego
Posted by: Joy | 2012/09/26

No, that will be a disaster in its own making, your marriage is part of you and the lust you have for your boss is temporary, think of your kids and control your emotions. I would like to beleive that you are old and mature enough to make the right choice, if you cant do this at least for the sake your marriage, at least do it for your sanity.

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Anita Brits | 2012/09/26

I really think you are old enough to get control of your emotions. This is a selfish selfcentered emotional war you are in. You have a husband - so look after him. Change your job if you have to, but your marriage and children are more important than staying in a job that could ruin your life. Satan puts lust in a good marriage to kill it. Don''t give into his temtations. Hold on to what you have because when you dont have it, you will be so sorry.

Reply to Anita Brits
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/25

There are many reasons for such attractions, none of them good or deserving to be acted on. Office relationships, especially with a boss, ALWAYS turn out badly, and you have the opportunity here to hurt yourself, your husband and children, and his wife and kids, and to ruin your career. That's not excitement, that's disaster.
Is there room to change your work assignments or schedule to as to avoid spending any time alone with him ? Whenever you find yourself day-dreaming about him, give yourself a sharp slap on the wrist and switch thoughts to something else - like your actual work !
And, as Maria says, re-invest in enjoying your own marriage

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2012/09/24

Only you can answer that question. It''s not abnormal to feel attracted to other people when you''re married, the choice you have to make is whether or not you are going to act on the attraction. My suggestion is that you focus you energy on renewing your relationship with your husband, and let your feelings for your boss run their course as they probably will, petering out as you romance your husband again.

Reply to Maria

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