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Question
Posted by: Cat | 2012-04-26

Obsessive friend

Me and this guy never dated, but stayed together and had a nsa relationship. After i met someone new, he was very jealous, coz i obviouslly aked him to move out and stopped the nsa relationship. He didnt accept it and threatened to kill my new lover, himself and started doing drugs. He started to emotionally threaten me and just couldnt let me be to do what i want. After various fights, i decided to move. To my surprise he also moved but couldnt find work here but now lives 100km from me. Now he still keeps making a fuss and still are obsessed. He freakes out if i talk about a guy and calls and sms and demands to know whats going on, then he gets all depressed and threaten to kill himself etc etc. same old story. This is just freaking me out coz ive told him we are now just friends but he does not accept that. I still want him as my friend but this is not right, im afraid if i break up the friendship he will kill himself... I dont know what to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I"m inclined to agree with Obvious, here. This guy is a blackmailer, and such behaviour is entirely reprehensible. Nsa relationships have such risks. He can threaten to kill himself, and i he does, don't feel guilty - its only intended to hurt and frighten you. If he threatens to harm you or your bf, this is a crime, and he should be reported to the police and prosecuted for it ( warning the police to keep a close etye on him in the cells, as there's be a significant risk of a suicide attempt to bother everyone).
He sounds almost like a stalker. Unfortunately SA law is much less suitable for handling such awful people than i is in some other countries. But you can get a court order forbidding him from approaching or contacting you or your friend.
And you shouldn't be talking to him at all - why would you talk to him about any other guy in your life, or indeed about any other information about your life ? That's like giving a burglar the key to your door.
Change your numbers and locks, and calmly tell him that his threats, whether against your friend or himself, are totally unacceptable and could lead him into serious legal problems, and you cant acept the drama and unpleasantness he brings into your life, and don't want to hear from him again. Its idle to try to be "just friends' with someone this unstable and selfish.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-04-27

So u r prepared to be blackmailed into a friendship? ie if u do not be my friend l will kill myself................
He lives 100km from you - it would be quite an expensive guilt trip for him to keep travelling 2 u to keep making you feel bad.....
Change your tel numbers and ignore him if he keeps hassling u - u can even take out a restraining order if he persists.
Nobody needs someone like this in their lives - unless of course u enjoy the drama!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-27

I"m inclined to agree with Obvious, here. This guy is a blackmailer, and such behaviour is entirely reprehensible. Nsa relationships have such risks. He can threaten to kill himself, and i he does, don't feel guilty - its only intended to hurt and frighten you. If he threatens to harm you or your bf, this is a crime, and he should be reported to the police and prosecuted for it ( warning the police to keep a close etye on him in the cells, as there's be a significant risk of a suicide attempt to bother everyone).
He sounds almost like a stalker. Unfortunately SA law is much less suitable for handling such awful people than i is in some other countries. But you can get a court order forbidding him from approaching or contacting you or your friend.
And you shouldn't be talking to him at all - why would you talk to him about any other guy in your life, or indeed about any other information about your life ? That's like giving a burglar the key to your door.
Change your numbers and locks, and calmly tell him that his threats, whether against your friend or himself, are totally unacceptable and could lead him into serious legal problems, and you cant acept the drama and unpleasantness he brings into your life, and don't want to hear from him again. Its idle to try to be "just friends' with someone this unstable and selfish.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Cat | 2012-04-26

Hi obvious, well ive tried to end the friendship the first fight, but he keeps calling and showed up at my house and then hes sorry and cries - all very emotional abusive. He says he will kill himself.
And i know he will do such a thing just to be spite full.

Reply to Cat
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-04-26

Why would any sensible person want a friend like this in their life?

Reply to Obvious

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